I find that a lot of the time…

the movie itself is only a part of the whole experience that can make someone’s personal opinion of ‘the best film ever’. Frequently it is the circumstances and mood surrounding the person when they watch the film that contributes to the overall enjoyment.

Let me give you an example.

A few thousand moons ago, I was dating a delightful young lady who was intelligent, thoughtful, blonde and cute as a button… Life was good.

One evening, after a lovely meal and a few shandies in our local, we decided that we didn’t want the evening to end, but we couldn’t go to our respective homes because we both lived with our parents.

Henceforth we decided to go to the cinema.

Holding hands in the rain as we ran towards the picture house, it was a perfectly romantic setting as we bought our tickets and made our way to the back row of the packed pitch black theatre.

Before the trailers began, I thought I’d do the gentlemanly thing and offer to get the hotdogs in.

Struggling around in the dark, I made my way out and to the refreshments area whereby I bought a pile of the usual tasteless overpriced fayre and made my way back.

Going back into the theatre I couldn’t see a thing as I tripped, slipped and apologised my way across the back row. A few people got up, there was general movement in a sort of ‘musical chairs’ fashion, and I found the empty seat as we all settled down.

I handed out the food and (ever the romantic); I even did the old ‘yawn’ thing so I could put my arm around my young maiden.

Soon the film began and after a while I felt a hand upon my lap working its way into my inside leg. Although I was delighted, I was a little embarrassed as I didn’t want anyone to see such a public display. I was comforted, however, by the sheer darkness and there didn’t seem to be any other movement in the seats around me, so I let it continue.

Then I felt my zip being undone…I was excited, thrilled, but scared all at the same time as my bulging throbatron was released from the sanctity of my grundies and she began to work her fingers expertly up and down my grateful member.

Now this wasn’t like my girlfriend at all! She had previously said that she ‘wasn’t really in to that sort of thing’ but I wasn’t about to complain! In fact, I closed my eyes and prayed for her to take it further…and she answered my prayers with aplomb as I felt a beautiful moist pair of lips surround my mutton musket. The shapely mouth caressed my member as she proceeded to make a luncheon of my truncheon…but her mouth slid further and further down…

I was getting my first experience of ‘deep throat’ action! I moaned in appreciation but tried to keep my voice down as to not attract any attention. She just didn’t seem to care as she continued with the finesse and speed of a rabbit on tetrahydrogestrinone.

The schlong schlurping intensified with her tongue switching between delicately flicking over my rock hard shaft; and chomping at it like a horse on a gargantuan pink veiny carrot.

As it mercilessly continued I was now bucking in my seat as I felt the impending surge of the inevitable. Her mouth stayed stuck to my love muscle as I grunted and thrunged what seemed like a never ending river of pecker-paste into her cavernous, welcoming throat…and she chugged it all back as if her life depended on it.

Gently stroking the back of her head, I was about to whisper to her on her wonderful new technique when all of a sudden the house lights lit up, the film was over and I felt a tap on my shoulder. So I leaned to my right…

To see my girlfriend looking sternly at me….’that’s a bit odd’ I thought…so I looked down towards my lap just in time to see someone else’s head gently finishing me off by lapping down the last dribbles of jitler as it squirmed from my waning bell-end. As my eyes grew accustomed to the light I noticed that the hair colour of this head-giving goddess wasn’t so much blonde….as grey

Silently, I felt my tallywaggle being tucked back into my dunghampers, and watched as her head was slowly raised…before she looked me straight in the eye, gave me a gaping smile and a wink….then popped her teeth back in.

“Eeeeh, lovely dearie! – That was so much better than popcorn” the warty old trout crowed at me as she stood up, wiped her wrinkly mouth and started to shuffle off.

So hopefully you can now see what I mean…I can’t even remember what the movie was now…but it was the best.film.ever.
( Pooflake braces for an onslaught..., Fri 18 Jul 2008, 10:38, 12 replies)

Oh
For fuck's sake.

*laughs maniacally*
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Fri 18 Jul 2008, 10:42, closed)

Brilliant
Pooflake has set the standard.
(GloriaHull you puerile slack-jawed drooling meatslapper, Fri 18 Jul 2008, 10:46, closed)

Ha ha
You drink shandies!
*click*

And remember, the back of one head looks exactly the same as the back of another.
( enoughblueskyforsailorstrousers, Fri 18 Jul 2008, 10:46, closed)

*click*
for making pretend words completely understandable and of course, teh funneh
(bazmorningstar efil4nat3b, Fri 18 Jul 2008, 10:47, closed)

You're rubbish
So, so rubbish...

But why do I like your posts so much?
Dammit, you're like having a meth habbit. It's bad, but it feels good.
( Cawl, Fri 18 Jul 2008, 10:52, closed)

My mum says
it was 'Raiders of the Lost Arc' - just for the record.
(Che Grimsdale Best before:, Fri 18 Jul 2008, 10:55, closed)

Oh. Dear. God.
What's worrying is that I almost believe this could be true.
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Fri 18 Jul 2008, 11:02, closed)

@DG
Why don't you think it's true? I find it quite easy to believe!
(Rotten_Cointreau is a proper scientician, Fri 18 Jul 2008, 12:58, closed)

^ I'm a natural born cynic
I find it very hard to believe anything.
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Sat 19 Jul 2008, 14:34, closed)

Aw that's sweet.
Even little old ladies need a gobble now and then.
( girlinthehole, Sun 20 Jul 2008, 17:50, closed)

Pub problems again
I fear, kind Pooflake, that your latest exploits down the pub may have moved from ghost rape to granny rape.

Pray that your friends miss this QOTW. :P
(chrisdalby, Mon 21 Jul 2008, 6:03, closed)

Oh christ...
I soooo want this to be true, as it's one of the most twisted things I've read in ages...
( The Resident Loon Not a demographic. Do not measure., Tue 22 Jul 2008, 3:01, closed)