I may very well be a dead body soon
My mother's gone to Hong Kong for a couple of weeks, meaning I'm the only person living here for a fortnight.

I've just accidentally locked myself into the closet. [Don't make the jokes. Please.] It's a bastard thick door that I have no chance of knocking down, thanks to the lack of a run up and my spindly biceps. I have nothing else on my person except for the Nintendo DS I'm typing this from, and the bog roll I came here to collect. The only consolation is that there is a tiny window, and my neighbours left his wireless router unsecured.

Wish me the best of luck.
(kimini touches your shoulder gently on, Mon 3 Mar 2008, 16:36, closed)

Address
Got an address?

I could make some money fixing the unsecured router.
(specsteve, Mon 3 Mar 2008, 16:51, closed)

i shouldnt laugh but
the thought of your mother arriving home, searching high and low for her son/daughter and finally stumbling across a malnourished skeleton that died of starvation in her closet (complete with pant round ankles) is hilarious.

dont fret, as a student doctor currently in year 7 of my 25 year degree at a reputable English medical school I assure you that you can survive for 15 days exactly on your own piss and excrement. best hope your mums date, (date!? where the fuck did that come from) I mean flight isn't delayed.

have fun
(CaptainFellatioNelson is trying to kill me, Mon 3 Mar 2008, 16:53, closed)

Sucks to be you, mate!

( piston_broke, Mon 3 Mar 2008, 17:05, closed)

Re: address
I could make some money too. You'll have to stay in there until I hire a removals wagon and a couple of labourers though!
(Greencloud Wanted to go fishing on, Mon 3 Mar 2008, 17:11, closed)

Can I pour some soup through a crack in the door?
Please
(bearpookie cant beat a good buttjoke, Mon 3 Mar 2008, 17:18, closed)

...seriously?...
if you're still locked in and starting to freak out, call the police or someone to help. Just don't explain it as "help me, I'm in the closet". "I'm stuck in a cupboard" would be far less laugh-inducing...

[edit:] oh you don't have a phone... yeah I've gotta say that if you're still stuck, give us an address and I'm sure that someone will be able to help you.

have a click for getting into such a retarded situation.
( uberdeity Wondered why Owen Lars knew of the term "hell" on, Mon 3 Mar 2008, 19:21, closed)

Bwahahahahaha :D
Mind you, I shouldn't laugh. I'm typing this on my mobile phone, after managing to lock myself into this small, wall mounted, medicine cabinet.

Best of luck.
( LemonEntryMyDearWatson This time, Moriarty, the hand is on the other foot, Mon 3 Mar 2008, 23:59, closed)

you can get on the internet from a Nintendo DS?
I didn't know that.

Why not email a friend to have a locksmith come get you out?
(flirting with badgers What? It sounded good at the time., Tue 4 Mar 2008, 1:00, closed)

My soon to be ex husband
is a locksmith. I'd send him round, but I don't want to talk to him. Sorry!
Oh yeah, and we're 6,000 miles away.
( workboresme knows Ninja is safe and happy, Tue 4 Mar 2008, 6:42, closed)

is your qotw answer
really a metaphor?
(magictorch, Tue 4 Mar 2008, 11:09, closed)

Youtube Macgyver

He could make a lock pick out of a dust particle.
( KISS.ME.WHERE.I.POO Signed the sex offenders register on, Tue 4 Mar 2008, 14:21, closed)

so.....
are you dead yet?
Or did you make it out of the closet?
(flirting with badgers What? It sounded good at the time., Wed 5 Mar 2008, 3:35, closed)

*Remembers a certain South Park episode*
So I pull out my gun...
( idonthaveafunnynickname bought a VAX (not the hoover), Wed 5 Mar 2008, 4:45, closed)