For neither sentimental nor financial, but for purely practical reasons
I would hunt out the antiseptic cream, tweezers and assorted other first aid items.

I have always know myself to be accident prone, but this weekend I proved it to myself spectacularly. It is now my firm belief that if inanimate objects* can cause me such great harm, a dancing, flaming fire would clearly go out of its way to hunt me down and consume me.

So for that reason, and because invisible personal protective wear does not yet exist, I'll save the first aid kit.

*like floors. Specifically tarmac covered roads going down slight slopes. Specifically those which rise to greet me like an old friend, and with a gentle caress, remove the skin from my knee, elbow, wrist, nose, chin and top lip.
(ancrenne is a nana, apparently, Wed 14 May 2008, 14:00, closed)

I'm a lot like that
if there's an accident waiting to happen, it waits for me to wander by!

Have a sympathy click - and some TCP
(TheWeeWitch avoiding DIY for safety's sake .., Wed 14 May 2008, 14:02, closed)

Your upper lip?
If that scars you won't be able to grow a 'tash...
(Kaol - Master of Disguise, Wed 14 May 2008, 14:07, closed)

@ Kaol
I guess that save her from having to bleach then. ;)


Not that I'm saying she'd have to anyway...

I'm good at digging holes, me.
(Belgaer is, Wed 14 May 2008, 14:09, closed)

...
Wee Witch - thanks, though the chocolate might help more.. I'm halfway down a tube of Savlon and on the hunt for more

And Kaol - It's going to match the one on my chin from ages back (plus,no doubt the new one). The best bit of that was the stitches made me feel like I had a small beard to twirl...

Belgaer... if you dig a hole, I guarantee I'll fall into it.
(ancrenne is a nana, apparently, Wed 14 May 2008, 14:10, closed)

^ditto
I have a purple bruise the size of an duck egg on my stomach at the moment. I keep banging into things.
( big-girl's-blouse is in BOATongism's gang, Wed 14 May 2008, 14:10, closed)

Atleast you won't be able to beat me up
for saying you have a tash. :D
(Belgaer is, Wed 14 May 2008, 14:12, closed)

Belgaer
The way things are feeling right I think the only way I could hurt anyone would be by falling over onto them and dragging them down with me.

But no, I've no moustache anyway. For I am a laydee, even if a most tomboy esque falling over one.
(ancrenne is a nana, apparently, Wed 14 May 2008, 14:14, closed)

It's ok Belgaer,
I know she's a she, and she knows that I know she's a she too.

Er... Yep.

Having a small beard to twirl is fantastic, I'll vouch for that.
(Kaol - Master of Disguise, Wed 14 May 2008, 14:14, closed)

Awwww
*pats ancrenne's hurty bits*
( Davros' Granddad is patient, reserved and measured in equal doses, Wed 14 May 2008, 14:15, closed)

Davros
You might want to wear a glove for that. I am oozing somewhat.

Thanks though :)
(ancrenne is a nana, apparently, Wed 14 May 2008, 14:16, closed)

*thwack*
*puts on rubber surgical glove*

*pats some more*
( Davros' Granddad is patient, reserved and measured in equal doses, Wed 14 May 2008, 14:17, closed)

Whoa there!
*KY*

Every time.
(Kaol - Master of Disguise, Wed 14 May 2008, 14:18, closed)

KY?
Kirsty Young..?
( Davros' Granddad is patient, reserved and measured in equal doses, Wed 14 May 2008, 14:19, closed)

Yep.
Just lie back and think of England.
(Kaol - Master of Disguise, Wed 14 May 2008, 14:20, closed)

KY and Latex?
Well, it'll cheer me up and give me something else to think about

*lies back*

Can I think of Wales though? Being not from around these here parts?
(ancrenne is a nana, apparently, Wed 14 May 2008, 14:21, closed)

It's a quiet afternoon...
*steps up*

EDIT: Yes, Wales is fine. As long as it takes your mind off me, you'll be fine...
(Kaol - Master of Disguise, Wed 14 May 2008, 14:24, closed)

It's great to know
there's someone else like me. None of my friends actually understand how I cause myself so much pain. I have burns all over my arms and hands because I *always* touch the oven door when I open it.
( Madam Marlboro and that's what killed Richard, Wed 14 May 2008, 14:26, closed)

@ Madam Marlboro
I touch the oven door too... I just have oven gloves or a towel over my hands ;)
(Belgaer is, Wed 14 May 2008, 14:28, closed)

Lets start another self help group.
Subconcious masochists learning first aid.
( big-girl's-blouse is in BOATongism's gang, Wed 14 May 2008, 14:30, closed)

*offers sympathy*
my legs are covered in bruises at the moment, all of which are legitimately due to my clumsiness, generally walking into things that are harder than me. Oh, and scrapes on my back from climbing into a roofspace without a ladder. And, er, carpet burns on my knees from, er, a carpet...
( crackhouseceilidhband I'd sell your heart to the junkman baby for a buck, Wed 14 May 2008, 14:30, closed)

Madam
Yes, an injury shared is one halved and all that. I hadn't even got over the falling over nothing and twisting my ankle from last weekend which made me limp like some deformed crab.. The knee I've done in is on the other leg so I now limp with two legs.I am soooo classy.
(ancrenne is a nana, apparently, Wed 14 May 2008, 14:31, closed)

I've got a scar
right between my eyebrows where I fell over and landed on the bed post. That defies probability.

And I also wear oven gloves, but due to my spacktardedness I still burn myself.
( Madam Marlboro and that's what killed Richard, Wed 14 May 2008, 14:32, closed)

Kaol
It's not like I can run away at the moment, is it?
(ancrenne is a nana, apparently, Wed 14 May 2008, 14:32, closed)

If we're learning first aid
could we start with prevention? how do so many people go around and NOT twat themselves on things?
(ancrenne is a nana, apparently, Wed 14 May 2008, 14:32, closed)

@ancrenne
my boyfriend says it's because most people actually think about where they're going, or the danger involved in an activity, whereas I just do whatever seems quickest at the time.
( Madam Marlboro and that's what killed Richard, Wed 14 May 2008, 14:34, closed)

I'm pretty intact
At the moment, got a couple of scratches on my arm from some wood, but other than that I'm holding up nicely.

I did shut my head in a car door once though.

EDIT: @ancrenne: Fair point... But you know, if they struggle it only makes it more fun...
(Kaol - Master of Disguise, Wed 14 May 2008, 14:35, closed)

Kaol/Madam M
I reckon I could manage flailing. Does flailing count?

Madam... that could be right. I do live in a little world of my own and just occasionally have to dip into this one. That's usually where problems start..
(ancrenne is a nana, apparently, Wed 14 May 2008, 14:36, closed)

I like to struggle.
Makes it more exciting.

Edit: flailing is certainly a possibility.
( crackhouseceilidhband I'd sell your heart to the junkman baby for a buck, Wed 14 May 2008, 14:37, closed)

It's not that other people don't bump into things
it's that things bump into me. I swear the corner of my desk moves in time to thwack me right in the hip.

*rubs bruised hip*

*passes ancrenne mega-size bar of Dairy Milk*
(TheWeeWitch avoiding DIY for safety's sake .., Wed 14 May 2008, 14:37, closed)

Flailing
Is still good.
As long as I don't get hit in the face.
"Not the fucking face you bitch!" - 10 points to first one to get the reference.

@ chcb: " I like to struggle. Makes it more exciting." Damn those ten years...
(Kaol - Master of Disguise, Wed 14 May 2008, 14:40, closed)

Mmm...chocolate. Thanks Wee Witch
I did just make myself a sympathy lunch of chocolate sauce. I smacked my jaw so hard when I landed that eating solid food is tricky but melted chocolate hits the spot.
(ancrenne is a nana, apparently, Wed 14 May 2008, 14:41, closed)

@Kaol
if it's the film I'm thinking of it's a horrible film.

Now, how many ropes do you own?
( crackhouseceilidhband I'd sell your heart to the junkman baby for a buck, Wed 14 May 2008, 14:42, closed)

@ancrenne
buttery mashed potatoes for you then, followed by ice cream.

MMMMMM.
( crackhouseceilidhband I'd sell your heart to the junkman baby for a buck, Wed 14 May 2008, 14:42, closed)

mmm, chocolate sauce lunch
can I pop round for lunch some time? Chocolate sounds so much nicer than a boring cheese roll.
(TheWeeWitch avoiding DIY for safety's sake .., Wed 14 May 2008, 14:44, closed)

@chcb
What film are you thinking of?
Was it a book first?

Ropes... Erm... Quite a lot for a non-climber.
And bags of large cable ties. Cable ties are fantastic.
(Kaol - Master of Disguise, Wed 14 May 2008, 14:44, closed)

Accident prone?
... or the Cider inside her?
(Rich T has a clever and witty sig, Wed 14 May 2008, 14:44, closed)

@Kaol
ooooooo, cable ties...

Roll on 4pm.

Edit: Yes. American Psycho.
( crackhouseceilidhband I'd sell your heart to the junkman baby for a buck, Wed 14 May 2008, 14:44, closed)

I'm a bit stiff at the moment if that counts
from painting the exterior porch wall and gardening at the week end. My thumb and wrist are particularly twingy just now
( Davros' Granddad is patient, reserved and measured in equal doses, Wed 14 May 2008, 14:45, closed)

What with all this talk of ropes and buttery mash
I'm not sure which conversation I'm more drawn to.

They;d probably combine quite well. And I have a LOT of rope.
(ancrenne is a nana, apparently, Wed 14 May 2008, 14:45, closed)

@ancrenne
how about ropes AND judicious use of the potato masher?
( crackhouseceilidhband I'd sell your heart to the junkman baby for a buck, Wed 14 May 2008, 14:46, closed)

CHCB
If I wasn't lying down already, I'd have had to take to my bed at that thought...
(ancrenne is a nana, apparently, Wed 14 May 2008, 14:47, closed)

American Psycho
is the one book I wish that I had never read. The film is all fluff and kittens in comparison.
( Madam Marlboro and that's what killed Richard, Wed 14 May 2008, 14:48, closed)

^
agreed!
( crackhouseceilidhband I'd sell your heart to the junkman baby for a buck, Wed 14 May 2008, 14:48, closed)

I liked the book
A lot more.

Film was a shine-y, plastic-y wipe-clean version.

In summary: Rat - Cheese - Hooker - Chainsaw.
(Kaol - Master of Disguise, Wed 14 May 2008, 14:51, closed)

^
That sums up most of your evenings.
( crackhouseceilidhband I'd sell your heart to the junkman baby for a buck, Wed 14 May 2008, 14:52, closed)

Aaaaaaargh
no no and no. If you had lady's bits you'd understand the horror more. It was the acid that got me bad. And popping eyeballs with lighters.
( Madam Marlboro and that's what killed Richard, Wed 14 May 2008, 14:52, closed)

Ooh is this a spot the odd-one-out game?
Cheese!

No...

Hooker!
(e.m.m.y. likes burlesque and glamour... Dahlings!, Wed 14 May 2008, 14:52, closed)

I do have "lady's bits"
I keep them in a jar, in ethanol, next to my bottle-O-eyeballs, next to my bed.
(Kaol - Master of Disguise, Wed 14 May 2008, 14:56, closed)

ugh
horrific thoughts.

Quickly - steer this conversation back to ropes, cable ties, potato mashers, fishnet stockings, gags, and good thick solid leather belts immediately.

er, sorry, getting carried away...
( crackhouseceilidhband I'd sell your heart to the junkman baby for a buck, Wed 14 May 2008, 14:56, closed)

@ chcb
Ew! I don't use them!
Decoration only!
(Kaol - Master of Disguise, Wed 14 May 2008, 14:58, closed)

or....
GOATS!
( Madam Marlboro and that's what killed Richard, Wed 14 May 2008, 14:58, closed)

CHCB
I was there already, hence having gone quiet. I've got to be elsewhere at 4 y'see.
(ancrenne is a nana, apparently, Wed 14 May 2008, 14:58, closed)

@ancrenne
good work! Me too, so I'm rushing it a little now.
( crackhouseceilidhband I'd sell your heart to the junkman baby for a buck, Wed 14 May 2008, 14:59, closed)

@CHCB
rushing is tricky when wrists don't work so well.. damn injuries
(ancrenne is a nana, apparently, Wed 14 May 2008, 15:01, closed)

I've got
Some man coming to see me at 4, to quote "to instal infa-red detecters".
Fucking retard, he can wait until ten past, I'm not interupting my weekly sexual action for him.
(Kaol - Master of Disguise, Wed 14 May 2008, 15:04, closed)

@Kaol
Couldn't you just get in early?
(ancrenne is a nana, apparently, Wed 14 May 2008, 15:07, closed)

I could...
But I'm a creature of habit.
(Kaol - Master of Disguise, Wed 14 May 2008, 15:11, closed)

I've just got here
and now I'm scared

hope everyone's ouches get better soon though.

*wonders if cave needs hospital area*
(happylittletulip blue days, black nights, do wa do waaaa, Wed 14 May 2008, 16:13, closed)

Where've you been?
It would've stopped things getting so insane/messy if you were here.

*wipes away blood*
(Kaol - Master of Disguise, Wed 14 May 2008, 16:17, closed)

I'm not your mums!
But thank you.

I've been doing stuff in the real world!

How are you all?
(happylittletulip blue days, black nights, do wa do waaaa, Wed 14 May 2008, 16:23, closed)

Just me left
Bit of a train-wreck-O-carnage.
(Kaol - Master of Disguise, Wed 14 May 2008, 16:31, closed)

So...
Are we all alone?

*grins*
(happylittletulip blue days, black nights, do wa do waaaa, Wed 14 May 2008, 16:54, closed)

Nope
I just dropped by to borrow a cup of sugar.

Don't mind me, I'll be gone in a jiff once I've filled me cup.
( Davros' Granddad is patient, reserved and measured in equal doses, Wed 14 May 2008, 17:01, closed)

Right, I'm done
I'm off now. Byeeee!

*Closes door*
( Davros' Granddad is patient, reserved and measured in equal doses, Wed 14 May 2008, 17:02, closed)

Now we are.
Fuckin' pervy locals, always after their sugar.

Like bees.
(Kaol - Master of Disguise, Wed 14 May 2008, 17:05, closed)

Blimey!
Good thing I missed out on my 4pm this week. Looks like it turned into utter carnage!
( mistaspakkaman caught a disease, Wed 14 May 2008, 17:06, closed)

Yeah,
It did I'm afraid.

As an aside, where the fuck are Al and Burt?
(Kaol - Master of Disguise, Wed 14 May 2008, 17:09, closed)

^ Buggered if I know
they've been very quiet over the last couple of days.

Maybe a goat's got them chained up in its cellar?
( Davros' Granddad is patient, reserved and measured in equal doses, Wed 14 May 2008, 17:17, closed)

Maybe it has...
It's gonna be quiet tomorrow if they don't come back.
None of AlBert Kaol on here... That's just wrong...
(Kaol - Master of Disguise, Wed 14 May 2008, 17:20, closed)

Bert was around earlier
I read one post of his - a reply to someone.

I suspect Al was actually doing some work today as he's got Thursday and Friday off.
( chickenlady Official Antelope keeper and trainer for 2009, Wed 14 May 2008, 17:23, closed)

I'm not here
Thursday or Friday either...
I did all my work though.
*smug*
(Kaol - Master of Disguise, Wed 14 May 2008, 17:27, closed)

Ah...
Then maybe it was you who said they'd be off work Thursday and Friday....I knew it was someone...
( chickenlady Official Antelope keeper and trainer for 2009, Wed 14 May 2008, 17:44, closed)

Now you mention it
I think Al was off on a course some time.
That was it.

*shrugs*
It's not like they're real people.
(Kaol - Master of Disguise, Wed 14 May 2008, 17:48, closed)

Precisely
You're all figments of my over-active imagination anyway.

Soon you shall all feature in a concocted cock and bull story which will reign supreme over the internet, and Ashford.
( chickenlady Official Antelope keeper and trainer for 2009, Wed 14 May 2008, 17:52, closed)

Sounds good...
I'll proof it for you, if you wish...

You know where I am, if you want me.
(Kaol - Master of Disguise, Wed 14 May 2008, 17:58, closed)