I don't have any valuables
But I do have a cabbage in the fridge that I've been keeping for over a month now to annoy my housemate.

It's indestructible, and I've called it Gerald.

He's done about 5 weeks now. Although certainly no longer edible, Gerald has remarkably retained structural integrity.

If the house burnt down, I'd definitely try and save Gerald. We've been through a lot.
(mrgibbles, Mon 12 May 2008, 14:45, closed)

Have you
Drawn a face on him, and given him a little hat?
(Kaol - Slicing your meats into bite-sized chunks, Mon 12 May 2008, 14:51, closed)

have you
touched him inappropriately when no-one else has been in the room?
( althegeordie probably shat on your face as you slept last night, Mon 12 May 2008, 14:54, closed)

He doesn't have a hat no
But he does have a little carrot cigar. It's ace.
(mrgibbles, Mon 12 May 2008, 14:54, closed)

there'd be nothing inappropriate about it
Me and Gerald go way back, it'd be entirely consensual.
(mrgibbles, Mon 12 May 2008, 14:55, closed)

Give him a hat!
Made out of a leaf from a different colour cabbage.
(Kaol - Slicing your meats into bite-sized chunks, Mon 12 May 2008, 14:59, closed)

and
touch him in front of your housemate. See how dirty you feel. That feeling is telling you that in your heart of hearts, you know it wasn't consensual.

Sorry, I seem to have drifted off track a little here.
( althegeordie probably shat on your face as you slept last night, Mon 12 May 2008, 15:06, closed)

You, Mr. Al,
Are fucking sick.

*clicks ignore*
(Kaol - Slicing your meats into bite-sized chunks, Mon 12 May 2008, 15:08, closed)

@althegeordie
but you should see how he looks at me.
(mrgibbles, Mon 12 May 2008, 15:10, closed)

that's to say,
when I've given him some eyes. Made out of button mushrooms.
(mrgibbles, Mon 12 May 2008, 15:12, closed)

Does he turn into the rotting head of Orpheus late at night?

sorry.
( flatfrog severed the gonchong's proboscis on, Mon 12 May 2008, 15:13, closed)

he does
and then embarks on a rendition of "I'm too sexy...", by Right Said Fred.

What makes it all the more remarkable is that he holds more than a passing resemblance to Richard Fairbrass.
(mrgibbles, Mon 12 May 2008, 15:29, closed)

But
is his T-shirt whiter than white?
( althegeordie probably shat on your face as you slept last night, Mon 12 May 2008, 15:32, closed)

Well, no
He doesn't have a t-shirt. He's a cabbage.
(mrgibbles, Mon 12 May 2008, 15:37, closed)

Photos please
But not of you and Gerald being consensual.
( chickenlady Official Antelope keeper and trainer for 2009, Mon 12 May 2008, 15:43, closed)