Morning all!
Another grey day but my heart is full of sunshine! *barf*

Slightly whimsical today, so I wondered:

If you had three wishes, what would you wish for?

Zero points for

1. Kate Humble/George Clooney
2. Minus Clothes
3. Plus Strawberry Jelly

And, of course, how the devil are you?
(No3L this crackling is really moreish, Thu 28 Aug 2008, 7:13, Reply)

Mine's pretty easy
1. That my daughter should never be seriously ill or seriously mistreated.
2. America relaxes its aggressive foreign policy.
3. £50 tax-free every day for life.

I'm a simple soul really.

Today I am mostly a bit tired and just wanna get today and tomorrow out of the way so I can go to the lake for the weekend!
(No3L this crackling is really moreish, Thu 28 Aug 2008, 7:20, )

Good morning to you.
I've wish for:
1, Vulgar amounts of cash so I could laze away the rest of my life.
2, Special fags and beer that don't bugger your lungs and knacker your liver.
3, My cat to live as long as I do.

I'm knackered. I came off nights on Monday and the Missus is still yammering on

"Why haven't you strightened out your body clock already? We're going on holiday on Monday and I don't intend to have been looking forward to it all year just so you can fall asleep ....... I'm not having a go but you can see where I'm coming from.". I may well bury her in the fucking lake district,
(Swan_Vesta Dipped his knob in your pint on, Thu 28 Aug 2008, 8:20, )

Morning No3l
Well, that's me got zero points then.

Must go and think of 3 others!
( K2k6 has seen Lesley Garrett naked, Thu 28 Aug 2008, 8:21, )

1. To invent something cool and useful enough for me to be remembered and make a stack of cash
so I can then stop working and pursue a music career with my band.
2. Fags that don't screw your health
3. The ability to either breathe underwater or hold my breath for a really long time plus associated pressure-dealing-with apparatus and swimming ability

morning folks
( Vipros this crack is really moreish, Thu 28 Aug 2008, 8:28, )

OK, how about
1 - good health
2 - a long happy life
3 - plenty of cash so I don't have to work.

I have no aspirations to be rich and famous.

Just rich will do fine.
( K2k6 has seen Lesley Garrett naked, Thu 28 Aug 2008, 8:31, )

Morning folks
Vipros... you want... gills? Fair enough I suppose :)

I considered wishing for Bert and Ernie presenting all rolling news, but I thought it might be a bit frivolous.
(No3L this crackling is really moreish, Thu 28 Aug 2008, 8:33, )

Morning Vipros, Swan V
@No3l - frivolous perhaps, but it would certainly brighten up the news!

@Vipros - you need to be a guitar-playing seal. That in itself would earn you enough money so you didn't have to work, and also fulfil your other wish.

But not the fags one, of course. You'd have to speak to a tobacco company about that.
( K2k6 has seen Lesley Garrett naked, Thu 28 Aug 2008, 8:41, )

what's wrong with gills?
:-)

I actually had a really hard time thinking of 3 wishes

mainly, I'd like to not have to go to work. if I could make a good living doing something I really enjoyed and didn't involve sitting in an office and getting up early I'd be happy.

I should consider a different job really, but this one isn't too bad....

edit: @k2k6, you've given me just the answer I've been looking for

now I just need to gather together all b3tan science types to work on it
( Vipros this crack is really moreish, Thu 28 Aug 2008, 8:43, )

morning
hmmm... three wishes?

I'll come back to you on that :)

*edit*

If we get truly fantasticle ones

1)The ability to fly
2)To be independantly wealthy
3)To run a cafe of somesort, whereby I don't do most of the work, I just get to do the cooking :)
(weekirst23 No more rubbish job! :( No more wages either!!, Thu 28 Aug 2008, 8:45, )

This 3 wishes thing brings to mind
spakka's joke about the man with the head like a giant orange. I laughed for ages about that but no-one I told it to seemed to find it funny at all.

Morning weekirst.
( K2k6 has seen Lesley Garrett naked, Thu 28 Aug 2008, 8:50, )

Morning kirst!
I'm not sure I could handle a huge amount of cash. I'd probably blow it all on drugs and hoes. I love gardening when I'm high.

Edit: K2k6... got a link or care to repeat the joke?
(No3L this crackling is really moreish, Thu 28 Aug 2008, 8:50, )

mornin lads
How are you all today? :)
(weekirst23 No more rubbish job! :( No more wages either!!, Thu 28 Aug 2008, 8:56, )

I'm good...
Just had a packet of crisps. Breakfast of Champions!

How're you? Good wishes btw, I'd love to cook for people too.
(No3L this crackling is really moreish, Thu 28 Aug 2008, 8:59, )

Thanks!
I'm pretty well, all things considered (my main concern really is that i'm at work) :)

I really really like to cook for people. -Cook for hire anyone? I'll come to your house, cook for a dinner party and yuo can pretend you did it all yourself and I'll dissapear off into the background:)

you just have to get me too and from the dinner party place, give me wine and I'll charge a nominal fee for my time (and of course you have to supply all the food)
(weekirst23 No more rubbish job! :( No more wages either!!, Thu 28 Aug 2008, 9:05, )

I laughed my arse off at that joke too
and no one I told it to found it that funny either

losers

No3l: drugs and hoes, I like it :-)
( Vipros this crack is really moreish, Thu 28 Aug 2008, 9:05, )

Sounds like fun
although getting you from there to here might present some problems :) My daughter and I cooked Wenslydale-stuffed chicken with creamed leeks and cheese & potato towers last week, and it was all of the nom nom nom.
(No3L this crackling is really moreish, Thu 28 Aug 2008, 9:09, )

@no31
That actually sounds very tasty

Last night I had chichen wrapped in parma ham, stuffed with garlic mushrooms with Bubble and squeak on the side. nom nom nom :)
(weekirst23 No more rubbish job! :( No more wages either!!, Thu 28 Aug 2008, 9:15, )

Wishes you say?
Hmm I would wish for some money, just enough to clear my debts and have some savings because I think if I stopped working I would just drink and smoke all day long.
A teleporter so I can go wherever I want whenever I Want.
A 1972 Aston Martin DBS.
( The Grammar Badger has been seduced by Bernard, Thu 28 Aug 2008, 9:15, )

I've been having homemade smoothies for breakfast the last couple of days
been pretty tasty and kept me going easily as well as a bowl of shreddies

damn cold though

@kirst, that sounds really nice

I had meatballs in tomato and basil sauce with parmesan mash

edit: Morning Badger, how are you?
( Vipros this crack is really moreish, Thu 28 Aug 2008, 9:15, )

I can't find the link
but the joke went something like this (apologies to spakka for my paraphrasing and the bits I've made up):

A man with a head like a giant orange went into a pub. He got chatting to one of the locals, who was of course curious about his head, but didn't say anything about it. Anyway, it turns out that the man had found a bottle, which he'd rubbed and out came a genie granting him three wishes.

"So what was your first wish?" asked the local.

"I wished for lots of money", replied the man. "More money that you could imagine. And *bang*, instantly I had billions of pounds".

"Great, so what about the second wish?"

"I wished that women would find me irresistible. Next thing I know, I'm surrounded by gorgeous girls desperate to bed me".

"OK, so what was your third wish then?" asked the bloke in the pub.

"I wished for a head like an orange".


Like I say, I pissed myself at this. But nobody else found it funny :(
( K2k6 has seen Lesley Garrett naked, Thu 28 Aug 2008, 9:18, )

Morning TGB
I'm always tempted to turn any meal into a smoothie so I can pretend I'm an astronaut.

Edit: Ahaha... that's tickled me that has. Thankyou.
(No3L this crackling is really moreish, Thu 28 Aug 2008, 9:20, )

Morning all
Wishes? Hmmm...

1) Inspiration and a book deal
2) £20k in the bank
3) A better paying day job
(PJM Has had his cover well and truly blown, Thu 28 Aug 2008, 9:21, )

Hey Vipros *hugs*
I'm ok. Feeling a bit down for no apparent reason though :( I do like the orange head joke though, mainly because I like random crap :p

Edit: Hey No3l. Astronauts are cool!
( The Grammar Badger has been seduced by Bernard, Thu 28 Aug 2008, 9:21, )

Morning!
How's it going?

3 wishes?

1) Pay rise
2) Me maws going into hospital today so for everything to go well with that.
3)People to just be generally happier and more polite to one another.

@ Vipros Non deadly fags would be awesome.
(Holy Cremola Foam Batman is like a really shit Action Man, Thu 28 Aug 2008, 9:23, )

Hmmmm
A kittun
A puppy
Another kittun
(oneinthepink is at your cervix m'lady, Thu 28 Aug 2008, 9:25, )

Morning PJM, holy
How's your day so far?

Reedit: oneinthepink: wish for two kittens and get one wish free!
(No3L this crackling is really moreish, Thu 28 Aug 2008, 9:30, )

Here goes
A job would be nice. One where I look forward to going to work, have a 'proper' career and earn a reasonable amount of cash.

Ha. Ha. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHa.

Ahem.

In reality, I'd probably end up sucking off tramps if the pay was reasonable.

Number Two would be a new liver, or the willpower to stop corroding my own.

And finally, number three would be a happy smiley personality rather than the grumpy angry one I got issued with.

And in other news for the foodies, last night was a sort of one-pot chicken chasseury thing with piles of buttery mash and peas. Except I got the quantities wrong so wife & spawn scoffed the lot and I ended up scavenging.
(osok Rebel without a clue, Thu 28 Aug 2008, 9:30, )

Errr...only 3?
OK - how about this?

1. That Henry's never ill or sick
2. That my company keeps going
3. That I can find some people who are able to work for the company without constantly moaning about having to go to Rio*

* relates to consultant I've just hired who's now going to Rio for a week and is moaning about it. Grrr.

Anyone here got
(a) PhD with a strong quant background
(b) speaks Portugese
(c) doesn't moan

?
(Edmund <something funny>, Thu 28 Aug 2008, 9:33, )

Just 3?
1. A new policy at work that insisted that I keep the same salary but only work one day a week
2. A freakish by-product of the credit crunch which wiped out all of my debt
3. A big steak pie with mash and peas and loads of gravy and plenty of beer to wash it down
(Che Grimsdale What would Homer Simpson do?, Thu 28 Aug 2008, 9:33, )

@TGB
*hugs* I hate feeling down for no reason :-/

osok: I also hate getting food quantities wrong...

everyone: I'd be grateful if someone could find me a site where I can listen to the new ac/dc single that isn't myspace or youtube!
( Vipros this crack is really moreish, Thu 28 Aug 2008, 9:34, )

Ed
(1) BSc with a strong fish bias
(2) Barely speaks da Eengleesh
(3) Ah.

Sorry.
(osok Rebel without a clue, Thu 28 Aug 2008, 9:37, )

@ No3l
Not too shabby mate, yourself?

It's another lovely day up here so I think a day of sitting out the back playing chess in the sun is in order. The cardboard cutout guy I was talking about yesterday made us a chessboard before he left so we sit and play that like old greek men..

@ Vipros no ideas I'm afraid. Have they announced any tour dates yet?
(Holy Cremola Foam Batman is like a really shit Action Man, Thu 28 Aug 2008, 9:38, )

I would like to
1) create, copyright and trademark something like the babelfish

2) Time machine, but to be able to go to all the legendary events throughout history, and with the aid of 1) understand whats going on

3) Everyone to show a little bit more respect to each other and the world in general. World peace would stagnate our evolution.
(Halfy You. my room.10.30.You, 10:45, and bring a friend, Thu 28 Aug 2008, 9:38, )

Morning osok, Edmund, Che
Just three wishes I'm afraid. Although I wonder if it would be easy or difficult to come up with, say, a hundred...

Edit: good choices Halfy :)
(No3L this crackling is really moreish, Thu 28 Aug 2008, 9:39, )

3 Wishes
Easy choice -

1. Never ending supply of fantastic plots, characters, descriptions and all round fantastic creative ability which would fund my lifestyle properly.

2. A large house (with staff) in the country where I could play out my Marie Antoinette fantasies (ahem).

3. The ability to take care of all my family and friends so they could be just as happy as me.


I wonder if anyone will wish for world peace or an end to poverty or disease?
( chickenlady Official Antelope keeper and trainer for 2009, Thu 28 Aug 2008, 9:41, )

Vipros
Is it not on the ACDC website? For some reason my work has that blocked for "unsuitable" content.

And it doesn't look like it Chickenlady! I don't think perpetual world peace is attainable

Edit: Vipros it is playing on this site as well
www.acdcrocks.com/
( The Grammar Badger has been seduced by Bernard, Thu 28 Aug 2008, 9:44, )

TGB
not that I can see. these days things just point to youtube

I've tried youtube proxies before, but they tend to be a bit gay.

Badger, I love you :-)
( Vipros this crack is really moreish, Thu 28 Aug 2008, 9:46, )

Hmmm! 3 wishes
1. I want to wake up one morning and realise what the fuck I want to do with the rest of my life.

2. I want my family to be happy and leave me to get on with trying to make myself happy.

3. I want all my B3ta friends to move to my town.


Good morning all : )
( big-girl's-blouse Wake me up when it's January, Thu 28 Aug 2008, 9:49, )

Not too bad thanks no3l,
I've been jobsearching this past few months. Although my current palce of employment is staffed by universally lovely folk, a payrise hasn't been forthcoming for a while and I'm being expected to use my own car too much without adequate remuneration for it.

Have had a couple of interviews so we'll see what happens...

*edit* Goes off to feed chickenlady cake
(PJM Has had his cover well and truly blown, Thu 28 Aug 2008, 9:50, )

:)
It's borderline irony as well I spent 10 minutes looking for that but as I don't have any speakers can't actually listen to it myself! Is it good?
( The Grammar Badger has been seduced by Bernard, Thu 28 Aug 2008, 9:50, )

3 Wishes - redux
If I'm being slightly less selfish in my 3 wishes (hat-tip Ms CL) ...

1. No child in the world dying from preventable diseases and electrolyte replacement being available where malnutrition exists to ensure that even if there's hunger the level of minerals in the blood are maintained

2. That all weapons in the world would be beaten from swords into ploughshares and that the UN would be an organisation with teeth rather than relying on the generosity of its member states

3. That everyone could achieve personal fulfilment (whatever that means!).
(Edmund <something funny>, Thu 28 Aug 2008, 9:50, )

That new single is awesome
Morning BGB, how are you?
(Holy Cremola Foam Batman is like a really shit Action Man, Thu 28 Aug 2008, 9:51, )

@bgb
lol! Thats awfully sweet!

How bout a b3ta tour? I'll go to your home town, you come to mine?
(weekirst23 No more rubbish job! :( No more wages either!!, Thu 28 Aug 2008, 9:52, )

it is good
but then, you know what you are getting from AC/DC :-)

I have to go see them when they tour
( Vipros this crack is really moreish, Thu 28 Aug 2008, 9:52, )

Have you ever felt you've quite literally painted yourself into a corner?
I think I've managed to do it.

Arse.


And I'm not even painting at the moment.

Bugger.


this makes sense in my head
( chickenlady Official Antelope keeper and trainer for 2009, Thu 28 Aug 2008, 9:53, )

I was wondering
if there'd be any altruistic wishers out there :)
(No3L this crackling is really moreish, Thu 28 Aug 2008, 9:57, )

@ Vipros
They've announced they'll be touring to promote the new album but don't think any dates have been released yet. I've got their live from Donnington DVD which is just brilliant.
(Holy Cremola Foam Batman is like a really shit Action Man, Thu 28 Aug 2008, 9:57, )

*exciteds*
although clearly I'll fail to see them.

there's only been one band recently that I've wanted to see as badly as AC/DC and that was Monster Magnet. they played one date, midweek, about 200 miles away from me, and no one else I knew wanted to go :-(
( Vipros this crack is really moreish, Thu 28 Aug 2008, 9:59, )

Good luck for the jobhunt PJM
And yeah ACDC have stuck with a formula that works! I must have some headphones around somewhere.

My less selfish wish is that all the money spent on war went towards improving living conditions in third world countries. Which may also stop war as a happy byproduct. One of my wetfaced flouncy liberal friends once bored me with figures of how much stuff could be bought and how many people saved with the money from the iraq war and that was about 3 years ago. It was "lots" then so probably "lots more" now. The war did start on my 18th Birthday which I wasn't too impressed about :(
( The Grammar Badger has been seduced by Bernard, Thu 28 Aug 2008, 10:00, )

I agree
Although not about wanting to see Monster Magnet...there's only a couple of bands that I'm desperate to see and AC/DC are one of them.

My mate did buy me tickets to go and see Journey a few months ago as he thought I liked them. I don't really and after 2 and half hours of men wearing elasticated stone washed jeans shoving their moobs in my face whilst singing Don't Stop Believing I like them even less.
(Holy Cremola Foam Batman is like a really shit Action Man, Thu 28 Aug 2008, 10:05, )

19 albums all gone platinum is what I heard the other day
that's a pretty fucking good thing to have achieved.

man, I wish I had some AC/DC on my ipod, instead of huge amounts of Zeppelin, Tool and Deep Purple....

edit: dear god batman, that sounds painful. tight jeans are fine when they are young rockers, but why can't they get old gracefully, like Robert Plant, or Iron Maiden
( Vipros this crack is really moreish, Thu 28 Aug 2008, 10:05, )

Stopping war would be good
but so would stopping uncontrolled population growth. Western countries have a stable population (albeit with the demographic problems that result) but much of the developing world is breeding very quickly.

We've got to be able to feed everyone, not to mention providing their other energy requirements.

A U-turn by the Catholic church on its stance on contraception would help.

Edit - on a different topic, I do have AC/DC's If You Want Blood on my iPod. Classic live album!
( K2k6 has seen Lesley Garrett naked, Thu 28 Aug 2008, 10:08, )

I'd have
1) A robot arm.

2) To be invincible.

3) Enough money to go to medical school and become a surgeon.

On that note, I'm off to Brighton.
Bye!
(Kaol - Slicing your meats into bite-sized chunks, Thu 28 Aug 2008, 10:08, )

clearly
100 more wishes.

then 100 more.

and finally another 100.

can never have too many wishes.

reminds me of that joke where a woman finds an old dirty lamp in an antique shop. thinking it would look nice on her patio, she buys it. when she gets it home, she breaks out the brasso and starts to rub it to a gleaming shine. but before she has gotten past a couple of swipes, there is a puff of green smoke and out pops a purple genie.

"you have one wish," he intones.

well, at first the woman thinks the cleaning fluids have gone up her nose, but in the end she accepts there is really a genie in front of her, offering her one wish.

"there is one thing i've always wanted," she says slowly, clasping her hands in front of her, eyes dreamy with bliss. "thin thighs."

the genie recoils in shock.

"thin thighs?" he repeats incredulously. "thin thighs? with all the war and poverty and misery in the world, you ask for THIN THIGHS? i'm going to give you another chance. you have one wish. what will it be?"

flustered, the woman looks around her for inspiration. then her eyes light up.

"i know," she exclaims. "thin thighs for everyone!!!!"

apologies for general lack of wit and humous...
( rachelswipe when life hands you lemons FUCK THE LEMONS & bale, Thu 28 Aug 2008, 10:10, )

can always count on Kaol
for good wishes

it depends on the robot arm technology if you ask me

it'd have to be able to feel and be controlled as well as a real arm, otherwise it's not use

plus you'd have to have reinforced shoulder and probably ribs as well, otherwise it's extra strength would rip you apart.

I suppose that might be where the invincibility might come in....
( Vipros this crack is really moreish, Thu 28 Aug 2008, 10:11, )

Oh I agree k2k6
Although you have to be careful with things like that and not do what China did which was to say you can have one child resulting in everyone wanting boys and loads of baby girls literally getting thrown away.

Probably shouldn't get me started on the catholic church...

Hi Rachelswipe and hi and bye Kaol!
( The Grammar Badger has been seduced by Bernard, Thu 28 Aug 2008, 10:11, )

Vipros
The band themselves have aged not too badly (apart from the bassist was wearing a leather waistcoat with nothing underneath...eurggh). They have just employed, if that's the right word, a young Vietnamese guy on lead vocals so they sound as fresh as they did in...well they never sounded fresh actually :)

It was more the fans that need to grow old gracefully. Far to many bandanas wrapped around bald, glistening, middle aged domes accompanied with the tight jeans. Horrific!
(Holy Cremola Foam Batman is like a really shit Action Man, Thu 28 Aug 2008, 10:13, )

@Rswipe
*adopts Robin Williams voice*

Ixnay on the wishing for more wishes!

edit: Batman, that's not so bad, but when will people learn that you can enjoy and support a band without making yourself look like a moron.!
( Vipros this crack is really moreish, Thu 28 Aug 2008, 10:13, )

@ Vipros
That's made me want to change my wishes.

Seen the new Bionic Woman - the one that got cancelled after only 8 episodes?

I want to have the same physical abilities as her.

Then I could show Chris Sharma a thing or two!
( chickenlady Official Antelope keeper and trainer for 2009, Thu 28 Aug 2008, 10:16, )

I agree with K2k6
There are too many of us buggers :-(

I wish there were an easy way to feed the mouths that need feeding without putting other species in jeopardy because of our innate selfishness and greed.

Putting my socialist hat on (yes, I do have a social conscience despite my politics), then there is but one wish: A cheap, renewable and efficient source of energy.

With that, our excuses for waging war and causing havoc will be curtailed.
(PJM Has had his cover well and truly blown, Thu 28 Aug 2008, 10:16, )

Taking it further
I sometimes wish I could have another go at life, but knowing what I know now, but I'm not sure I'd do any better the second time around. I've got a nasty suspicion that I'd be much more selfish second time around.

Just to open this up a bit: with all my faults and imperfections (no, really!), I wouldn't want to swap places with anyone. Has anyone else come to the realisation that the ego is so strong that you think you're better off as you than anyone else? It seems fairly clear with most people's wishes - enough money not to worry and a few goodies perhaps, that we're all pretty close to happiness.

Does this make any sense?
(Che Grimsdale What would Homer Simpson do?, Thu 28 Aug 2008, 10:19, )

I do often wonder how people would survive
if tomorrow all the electric and power ran out and we were effectively thrown back 100 years. I may need to start looking for a mangle...

Edit: Che I think the fact people want more money implies they see themselves as not being as happy or good as those with money so maybe we do all wish to be someone else but believe money will be able to buy us that lifestyle.
( The Grammar Badger has been seduced by Bernard, Thu 28 Aug 2008, 10:19, )

@TGB
Quite so, but currently a lot of families in third world countries have a whole bunch of children. Now of course high infant mortality means that fewer will survive to adulthood than in the developed world, but even so, the population is rising quickly.

As better healthcare and nutrition etc makes its way to those parts of the world, the problem will only get worse unless we can convince people that it's not actually a good idea to have 7 kids!

Edit - reply is to another post, not the one immediately above.
( K2k6 has seen Lesley Garrett naked, Thu 28 Aug 2008, 10:20, )

@pjm
but what about people who choose to use religion for that?

deep down, some people just like the power and evil of killing other people.

i would remove that desire.

apart from people who just STOP in front of you for no reason when walking down the street. they will always be fair game for anyone to pick off!!!
( rachelswipe when life hands you lemons FUCK THE LEMONS & bale, Thu 28 Aug 2008, 10:20, )

@ Vipros
I wish I could agree but I went to see Bruce Springsteen a few months back and managed to get down to the front of the standing area. I was flailing about like an idiot when Dancing in the Dark came on. And I was wearing very tight jeans and cowboy boots!
(Holy Cremola Foam Batman is like a really shit Action Man, Thu 28 Aug 2008, 10:22, )

@rswipe
The same goes for people driving Micras at 25mph, or towing caravans or especially bloody horseboxes.

Someone on Top Gear once suggested a tongue in cheek solution to the horsebox problem. Have two horses, and keep one at home, and one where you're going with the horsebox!
( K2k6 has seen Lesley Garrett naked, Thu 28 Aug 2008, 10:23, )

Che
that is a really interesting point. I did consider as I was writing my wishes whether there is much I would like to change.

is it because we are happy as we are, because we don't have one big regret, or because we can't think of anything that wouldn't change who you are?

it's hard to realistically think whether a single change would make you a happier person or not.

Personally I'm pretty content, yeah things are a bit mundane sometimes, but that's life. I've got a nice house, a good job, a wonderful and beautiful girlfriend, a fine surfboard and a really really nice gold Fender Strat.

Edit: @k2k6, horseboxes are worse than caravans in my opinion, there are just less of them.

if you have a horse and you want to get somewhere with it, then ride the fucking horse there.
( Vipros this crack is really moreish, Thu 28 Aug 2008, 10:23, )

But I *am* happy
More money would make my life easier but not any happier.

And if electricity and mains water were to go tomorrow I know I could cope - I have in the past.

In fact when I left the farm it took me about three months to adjust to central heating and double glazing - I was constantly overheating and had to drink gallons of water.
( chickenlady Official Antelope keeper and trainer for 2009, Thu 28 Aug 2008, 10:26, )

Morning rachelswipe, hibye Kaol
As the genie said, "Ixnay on the wishing for more wishes-ay" :)

Population control is a touchy subject but I agree with the sentiment. Why bring another mouth into the world if you can't put food into your own mouth?

Damn sex feeling good and everything.

Edit: Vipros is in my mind, stealin' my Aladdin references :)
(No3L this crackling is really moreish, Thu 28 Aug 2008, 10:27, )

Allo!
Alright?

My wishes are thus, please:

1) A Ferrari Scuderia with a fuel tank that never runs out.
2) A nice house in the countryside.
3) Health, wealth and happiness.

Hurray! It's nearly the weekend!
( Devil_In_Tights - A cheese and onion union jack tickler it is!, Thu 28 Aug 2008, 10:27, )

Morning DiT
hope you are well

any news from the nether regions?

I've been rethinking my wishes.

better and more consistent surf in the south west and more time for me to go appreciate it
( Vipros this crack is really moreish, Thu 28 Aug 2008, 10:29, )

Right I should go do some work :(
See y'all later

Edit: Hi DiT nothing personal I am leaving right as you get here ;)
( The Grammar Badger has been seduced by Bernard, Thu 28 Aug 2008, 10:29, )

My wishes
1. AC/DC's new album to rock as hard as there new single
2. Get tickets to see them on tour
3. For AC/DC to play donington next year and for it to be sunny all weekend.

I am easily pleased.
( althegeordie probably shat on your face as you slept last night, Thu 28 Aug 2008, 10:32, )

Morning DiT
How's the bollocks?

You need a Mr Fusion power source for that Ferrari. Although the engine note would be lost with an electric motor.

Edit - Bye TGB.
( K2k6 has seen Lesley Garrett naked, Thu 28 Aug 2008, 10:33, )

Oh dear God.
I have just found out that the mental temp will be working with me again.
For the whole of next week.

I don't think I can take a WHOLE FIVE DAYS of her ramblings.

Oh and morning lovely people :)
( wanderlust If we're in Sister Act 2 then I'm Whoopi Goldberg, Thu 28 Aug 2008, 10:33, )

Hmmm
It's easy to blame religion. I'm not religious myself, but it's about intolerance and disrespect for others, not blind faith. I know devoutly religious folk who are tolerant of others, and some athiests who blame the muslims/jews for all that's wrong today.

As for what would happen if the mains stopped tomorrow, we'd be in deep shit. We're not aware of how many things in our lives rely on power, from agriculture to the delivery of fresh water.

Pah, I'll settle for Hover Cars.

*edit* The intellectually challenged temp is back? Happy days!
(PJM Has had his cover well and truly blown, Thu 28 Aug 2008, 10:35, )

Ning Lusty!
Just send her out for a long wait...

Or for a package in Canda!

@V-man, K-dizzle: No news yet, m'afraid. :(

EDIT: But I don't wanna lose the engine note! This is part of my wish!
( Devil_In_Tights - A cheese and onion union jack tickler it is!, Thu 28 Aug 2008, 10:36, )

@ NO31
"Damn sex feeling good and everything."

try it with one or two of my exes, that'll cure you.
( rachelswipe when life hands you lemons FUCK THE LEMONS & bale, Thu 28 Aug 2008, 10:37, )

'Tis depressing
But there are two pre-programmed solutions to overpopulation and limited resources: war and famine.

Maybe technology will one day open up a cornucopia of limitless energy, but it has by increasing human life expectancy increased pressure on finite resources, in a rather neat Catch 22.

Plus people are generally bastards who want everything that the people in the next country along have and more.

It would be nice if evrybody suddenly had a blinding flash of revelation and decided to live in harmony with themselves, their neighbours and the environment, but that's about as likely as Simon Cowell becoming an agony aunt.

30 days rations, plenty of candles and a minimum 500 rounds stashed, and tin-foil hat in place.


*edit - this getting gloomier by the second. Can we talk about tits or something. And as for AC/DC, I'm going to bang Dirty Deeds on as soon as I have confiscated a rubber puffer fish from Junior and cleaned the Graffiti off Peppa Pig. It's an interesting life I lead.....*
(osok Rebel without a clue, Thu 28 Aug 2008, 10:37, )

@rswipe
Has it cured you?

:)
( K2k6 has seen Lesley Garrett naked, Thu 28 Aug 2008, 10:38, )

Three wishes
Right now,

1. A PC that didn't work intermittently at best.
2. One of those things Wallace and Gromit had that got you dressed and breakfast made automatically.
3. Miss Keloid here on blow job duties.

I don't ask for much.
(Boss Keloid is haunted by the wee bulbous tongue on, Thu 28 Aug 2008, 10:40, )

@ PJM
Providing you live near a well (and you'd be surprised at how many of them still exist out in the sticks) then it is possible to cope without power.

It's less common now, but go back just five years and out here we used to lose mains water every summer for a day or two each month!

And in the winter if there's any snow it tends to drift across the fields and cut us off if we have more than half an inch of the white stuff. The electricity was always dodgy up until a couple of years ago too.


And to think I live only just over an hour outside of London!
( chickenlady Official Antelope keeper and trainer for 2009, Thu 28 Aug 2008, 10:40, )

Heheh
Thanks for the suggestion ms swipe... although I prefer my sexual partners to have more vagina :)
(No3L this crackling is really moreish, Thu 28 Aug 2008, 10:44, )

3 wishes
1) Enough money to be comfortable and indulge a few of my hobbies
2) A collection of classic cars and a workshop to maintain them
3) A FULLY ARMED AND OPERATIONAL underground command bunker with perimeter defences proof against nuclear armageddon and zombie invasions. Several secret escape tunnels are mandatory.
(Kroney is having a night of hell, Thu 28 Aug 2008, 10:44, )

The temp used one of my note books.
Some of the things she has written include:

Light - Invade my mind with money.

Time to feel like you have a goal, I hope they keep me on. I still on pound.

Boots - Eyedrops and get my hair did.

I think she may be some kind of evil genius.
( wanderlust If we're in Sister Act 2 then I'm Whoopi Goldberg, Thu 28 Aug 2008, 10:46, )

^I think that's a given...
But let's go for the litmus test... Did she live in a Volcano? Did she have a scar?





_{Was she stroking her pussy?}
( Devil_In_Tights - A cheese and onion union jack tickler it is!, Thu 28 Aug 2008, 10:48, )

@ Miss Lust
Perhaps she is,

The second one was almost a haiku if she's spread it over three lines.
(Boss Keloid is haunted by the wee bulbous tongue on, Thu 28 Aug 2008, 10:49, )

@chickenlady
Yes, you could survive OK, because you were less reliant on electricity and water, and had alternative strategies in place.

But imagine if the electricity went off in London for say a week. It would be chaos. I'd put money on there being riots and looting, not to mention a complete collapse of commerce for the period.

Bloody hell, if London gets half an inch of snow it grinds to a halt, which makes national news. The consequences of an electricity blackout would be a lot worse.
( K2k6 has seen Lesley Garrett naked, Thu 28 Aug 2008, 10:50, )

Wanderlust's temp
Did she turn up to work in a Zeppelin?
(PJM Has had his cover well and truly blown, Thu 28 Aug 2008, 10:50, )

@lusty
I think she might be unhinged.

@chickenlady

You're entitled to abstract water from below your property up to a certain amount each year without a licence. But in london it's a bit difficult to drill downwards through the ten to 15 metres of clay to get to the water bearing lambeth group or white chalk below.
( althegeordie probably shat on your face as you slept last night, Thu 28 Aug 2008, 10:50, )

Morning
1) To write a book or do some other thing that makes me rich enough to be able to not work again unless I want to. This will also mean I could afford to move back to the country and have babies.
2) For Mr Bin, myself and the babies to have good health.
3) For society to work. There to be no violence on the streets, no stealing or muggings. No drug addictions.
(Mrs Liveinabin is not ill anymore!, Thu 28 Aug 2008, 10:55, )

@No31
hey, don't knock it til you've tried it!


no, only kidding. some things should never ever be tried.
( rachelswipe when life hands you lemons FUCK THE LEMONS & bale, Thu 28 Aug 2008, 10:55, )

No zeppelin
No volcano dwelling as far as I know, no visible scars and she hasn't stroked her pussy infront of me.
I'm onto her though...
( wanderlust If we're in Sister Act 2 then I'm Whoopi Goldberg, Thu 28 Aug 2008, 10:56, )

^^ Incest and Morris Dancing.
Those should never be attempted under any circumstances.

@Wanderlust - I'm looking forward to hearing more temp stories. Keep 'em coming.
(PJM Has had his cover well and truly blown, Thu 28 Aug 2008, 10:56, )

Al
You really wouldn't want to do that in London. Read a book called Necropolis for confirmation, but a hefty proportion of London is built over it's former residents. Same for most old poulation centres where burial was used rather tha cremation.

Having said that, the folks-in-law's neighbours house is built over an old Anthrax pit.
(osok Rebel without a clue, Thu 28 Aug 2008, 10:57, )

@ All you lot in London
Yep.


I'll be here in the sticks stroking my pussy along with Wanderlust's mad temp.


;)
( chickenlady Official Antelope keeper and trainer for 2009, Thu 28 Aug 2008, 10:57, )

@PJM
Must be the hangover, but I read that as Incest WHILE Morris Dancing
(osok Rebel without a clue, Thu 28 Aug 2008, 10:59, )

*is content that when the power goes out
there is freshwater aplenty to be had in Devon*

*smugs*
( Vipros this crack is really moreish, Thu 28 Aug 2008, 11:02, )

Okay! I'm pissed off.
A car that I'm getting from my dad went in for it's MOT last week and can I find the MOT certificate, can I fuck. I can find the receipt, the description of work carried out but not the MOT.

Can you get copies from the garage?
( big-girl's-blouse Wake me up when it's January, Thu 28 Aug 2008, 11:03, )

BGB
Don't panic... When you tax a car online the DVLA has the certificate number held on a database.
(PJM Has had his cover well and truly blown, Thu 28 Aug 2008, 11:04, )

Just a quick question...
But how do people approach incest?
Do they leave a note on the fridge or something?

Don't worry! It's nothing I would ever do *heaves* but you know it does happen so I was just wondering how.
( wanderlust If we're in Sister Act 2 then I'm Whoopi Goldberg, Thu 28 Aug 2008, 11:04, )

Does anyone else
really wish that society would collapse just so they could be out in the sticks with chickenlady and lustys temp?
( althegeordie probably shat on your face as you slept last night, Thu 28 Aug 2008, 11:05, )

@BGB
It doesn't matter nowadays. It's all electronic, and the record of the MoT will be on a national database. So when you have it done, it will be dated from the expiry date of the previous one, assuming it's still in force.

If the MoT's run out it doesn't matter anyway.
( K2k6 has seen Lesley Garrett naked, Thu 28 Aug 2008, 11:05, )

@PJM
Do you mean the MOT test cert number. I usually tax at the post office though.

@K2K6 - Ah I see now....thanks everyone.
( big-girl's-blouse Wake me up when it's January, Thu 28 Aug 2008, 11:07, )

BGB
Yes. If you buy your tax online you'll find that your insurance certificate number is recorded too.

*edit* I'm amused by Wanderlust's idea. Can you imagine the note on the fridge:

Get milk, butter, eggs.... Sleep with sister, move to Suffolk.
(PJM Has had his cover well and truly blown, Thu 28 Aug 2008, 11:08, )

@k2k6
expired MOT = invalid insurance I believe

that kind of matters ;-)
( Vipros this crack is really moreish, Thu 28 Aug 2008, 11:13, )

It's still bloody annoying losing the damn thing.
Ggggrrrrr!
( big-girl's-blouse Wake me up when it's January, Thu 28 Aug 2008, 11:14, )

fuckit
im changing my selections

may I please have

1) A fully armed and operational Culture special circumstances combat drone slaved to me.

2) A full set of nice Envoy suits and weapons

3) A list of all the people who have pushed my buttons over the years.

Rewengee!! mwaahahahahaa

Sigh.

Wander, sounds like your temp has been reading the secret.

edit: hehehe on the incest, well you know how it is, a few bottles of wine, giggling on the sofa together, more alcohol, cuddling up closer, taking the bottle to bed together, its just the morning after feeling when you roll over and see who you slept with.
(Halfy You. my room.10.30.You, 10:45, and bring a friend, Thu 28 Aug 2008, 11:14, )

Halfy
if you are wishing for that you may as well wish to live in the Culture

sounds fucking awesome to me
( Vipros this crack is really moreish, Thu 28 Aug 2008, 11:15, )

@Vipros
Sorry, I meant that if the current MoT's expired then it wouldn't matter whether you had the old certificate to prove the expiry date, and hence have the new one post-dated. But nowadays it makes no odds whether you have the certificate or not, because it's all computerised.

Actually having a current MoT does matter of course if you want to drive the car legally.

*makes note to buy new brake discs today as MoT is due next month*
( K2k6 has seen Lesley Garrett naked, Thu 28 Aug 2008, 11:18, )

The Envoy suits
are from the Kovacs books, the Culture would be cool, but i like it here, and the ability to have a frank exchange of views with a medium sized nation and still come out winning would be quite neat
(Halfy You. my room.10.30.You, 10:45, and bring a friend, Thu 28 Aug 2008, 11:19, )

ah I see
rereading your post I missed an apostrophe the first time that kind of changed the meaning a bit :-)
( Vipros this crack is really moreish, Thu 28 Aug 2008, 11:20, )

Herr Vipros
Is correct. Plus if you get a pull from the Traffic Stasi you can be required to produce your documents within 72 hours: although the wunnerful DVLA 'pooter system should be accurate please bear in mind that it is a HM Govt database, supplied by the lowest bidder, and maintained by Welsh Civil Serpents.

Get the original or a copy.


*notes am not biased against DVLA, but 10+ years in the motor trade scar you a bit*
(osok Rebel without a clue, Thu 28 Aug 2008, 11:20, )

I've calmed down now and getting a copy.
All is well with the world again.

*breathe*
( big-girl's-blouse Wake me up when it's January, Thu 28 Aug 2008, 11:28, )

^Ommmmmm!
*meditates*

Anybody know where I can get good but reasonably priced luggage from?
( Devil_In_Tights - A cheese and onion union jack tickler it is!, Thu 28 Aug 2008, 11:33, )

DiT
TK Maxx

alternatively, steal it from the airport/bus station
( Vipros this crack is really moreish, Thu 28 Aug 2008, 11:33, )

Top Tip in the wrong place
DO NOT EVER attempt to write a story which is increasingly creepy while in a house with ten year olds.

One will burst into the room and make you scream and almost cry as they laugh like a loon and you briefly lose the ability to tell the difference between reality and the strange stuff in your head.


:(
( chickenlady Official Antelope keeper and trainer for 2009, Thu 28 Aug 2008, 11:34, )

Ta!
For TK-Maxx, I mean, not the theft advice!

*giggles at poultry madame*
( Devil_In_Tights - A cheese and onion union jack tickler it is!, Thu 28 Aug 2008, 11:36, )

I'll be so pleased when they go back to school on Tuesday
I'll be able to work in peace without interruption.


/grumpyparentblog
( chickenlady Official Antelope keeper and trainer for 2009, Thu 28 Aug 2008, 11:39, )

bah
I can't believe I only just remembered to check the surf forecast....

what is wrong with me?
( Vipros this crack is really moreish, Thu 28 Aug 2008, 11:41, )

i'm mad now!
Just had the most stupid argument ever with a guy at work.
In dublin there is a north/south divide. South is generally viewed as posher, more upmarket, but in recent years, it seems that Landlords just charge astrinominal rent, knowing people will pay for the postcode, and the quality of flats and houses has gone down somewhat.


My Dad is a southsider historically, but I live out in the northside, which has a more... working class background. I have a beautiful house, in a nice we estate, and I've never felt unsafe and for the same amount of rent on the other side of the city i'd live in a cupboard.

The guys argument is that the southside is just better, adding to this the fact that were equidistant from the actual city centre, I just don't understand what his problem with the northside is! Its really annoyed me, and I can'tquite put my finger on why!

-Sorry just needed a wee rant to vent so I don't shout at him later :)
(weekirst23 No more rubbish job! :( No more wages either!!, Thu 28 Aug 2008, 11:41, )

Kirst
You *really* are mad!


;)

EDIT - ah, you've calmed down a bit now I see...
( chickenlady Official Antelope keeper and trainer for 2009, Thu 28 Aug 2008, 11:44, )

damn kirst
you must be mad! :-)

I figure that as long as the immediate locale of your place is nice then that is what matters

Exeter has a nice and a not so nice side, I live in part of the nice bit, but just outside the nice bit is a really shitty bit

makes no difference really, it's all about how nice your place is, and whether it's in a good place for what you want to do, not some pretentious bollocks.
( Vipros this crack is really moreish, Thu 28 Aug 2008, 11:45, )

Whoops
lol, the three posts is just my spazzy computer i'm afraid :)

I know that, but the guy at work makes me want to beat that knowledge into him!
(weekirst23 No more rubbish job! :( No more wages either!!, Thu 28 Aug 2008, 11:50, )

most people are just stupid
there's no getting away from that!


unrelated question: I can't get html tags to work in the subject line, why is that?
( Vipros this crack is really moreish, Thu 28 Aug 2008, 11:53, )

Kinda makes me happy I live in a small town
The only divide here is the river running through it, and that's just physical.

And we only a small chav population. Some of them are actually quite nice :)

Edit: Vipros, I noticed that the other day too. Mouseovers don't work in body text either, so horse-loving is much easier to detect these days :( / :)
(No3L this crackling is really moreish, Thu 28 Aug 2008, 11:54, )

Gosh!
Some people really are gits, aren't they?

Happens everywhere though. I live in East London, many people turn their noses up at that because it's the East End and therefore 'a bit rough'.

Touch wood, never any trouble (for me) at all.

Then again, I grew up in Essex and I get a lot of stick for that too.

Bloody snobs.

EDIT: I don't think they work in there, Vipros. Dunno why, but I've never been able to do it...
( Devil_In_Tights - A cheese and onion union jack tickler it is!, Thu 28 Aug 2008, 11:57, )

quick everyone!
vote for my new story!

http://www.b3ta.com/questions/gullible/post229813
( Vipros this crack is really moreish, Thu 28 Aug 2008, 11:59, )

^
Youcuntyoucuntyoucuntyoucunt.

EDIT: I didn't even think about it, I just clicked. DAMN YOUS!
( Devil_In_Tights - A cheese and onion union jack tickler it is!, Thu 28 Aug 2008, 12:02, )

Ahaha bastard!
No status bar in Opera Mini! Or did the Mouseover work?
(No3L this crackling is really moreish, Thu 28 Aug 2008, 12:04, )

sorry dude, it's an addiction
I should get help

seriously though, vote for my story :-)

http://www.b3ta.com/questions/gullible/post229813

I did toy with the idea of ilovehorses again, but thought no one would fall for it
( Vipros this crack is really moreish, Thu 28 Aug 2008, 12:04, )

Nope
The mouseover reveals it to be what it is.

Gah!

EDIT: I probably would've, stupid git that I am...
( Devil_In_Tights - A cheese and onion union jack tickler it is!, Thu 28 Aug 2008, 12:04, )

Jeez Vipros
that's a real nasty habit you've got there.

*awaits stream of tobacco sputem on boots*
( althegeordie probably shat on your face as you slept last night, Thu 28 Aug 2008, 12:09, )

You poor trusting fools...
You ought to know by now what he's like!

(Afternoon all by the way, I'm mostly lurking at the moment, for no good reason other than I don't feel that conversational...)
( Fireflier You are number 542 in the queue for a new sig, on, Thu 28 Aug 2008, 12:13, )

yeah, but linking to that
will make you a goddamn sexual tyrannosaur
( Vipros this crack is really moreish, Thu 28 Aug 2008, 12:13, )

Hello...Me again.
I just had a wee and it was orange!
Fucking orange!!!

What the fuck is that about?!
( wanderlust If we're in Sister Act 2 then I'm Whoopi Goldberg, Thu 28 Aug 2008, 12:18, )

@weekirst
Either you've been eating too many carrots or you haven't been drinking enough water.

Or you have a mysterious case of orangeweeitis.
( K2k6 has seen Lesley Garrett naked, Thu 28 Aug 2008, 12:20, )

I have 2 thoughts on this:
1) Have you been drinking Berocca? (or whatever it's called, that weird orange fizzy drink thing)

2) Do you live near Chernobyl?
( Devil_In_Tights - A cheese and onion union jack tickler it is!, Thu 28 Aug 2008, 12:21, )

Wanderlust
Most likely dehydration... have you been getting enough... fluid?
(No3L this crackling is really moreish, Thu 28 Aug 2008, 12:23, )

@Vipros
yeah, well strap this on your sore ass.

*grabs crotch*

Owww!

*curls up into a ball and whimpers*

Also people check out my calender entry here. It isn't I like horses I promise.
( althegeordie probably shat on your face as you slept last night, Thu 28 Aug 2008, 12:23, )

I did drink this weird juice
from the polish newsagents this morning.

It had dancing oranges on it.

Dam those dancing fruits making my wee a funny colour!
( wanderlust If we're in Sister Act 2 then I'm Whoopi Goldberg, Thu 28 Aug 2008, 12:25, )

*looks at Al*
you're a little strange....

anyone reckon this is any good