Morning Offtopiclys!
Wednesday brings grey skies - the absolute definition of this years' British summer. I must admit this weather is starting to drag me down.

What do you do to brighten your day?

And how are we all?
(No3L this crackling is really moreish, Wed 27 Aug 2008, 7:59, Reply)

Morning Sunshine!
How goes it? Been up since 5... on Stoopid early shift. Its depressing to go to work when its still dark!

In answer to your question... Why I come on here! :)


-edit- Failing that, like when no-one is about, and i'm all alone... I like to bake stuff, or listen to music and dance like a tit :)
(weekirst23 No more rubbish job! :( No more wages either!!, Wed 27 Aug 2008, 8:03, )

Morning kirst!
I'm good, if a little grey. A slight hangover isn't helping things!

You're right though, this place does brighten my day :)

But real sunshine is the key. I'm camping by a lake with a bunch of wakeboarders this weekend... cross your fingers for good weather!

Edit: calling me "Sunshine" helps too :)
(No3L this crackling is really moreish, Wed 27 Aug 2008, 8:15, )

@no31
Lol, my fingers are crossed. I'm positivly radiating good vibes for you :) (possibly thats just many cups of tea this morning though...)
(weekirst23 No more rubbish job! :( No more wages either!!, Wed 27 Aug 2008, 8:17, )

Morning both
It's a nice sunny day here. Scotland's east coast gets loads of sun, according to the statistics, but it's been hiding for the last couple of years. Unless it's been coming out at night...no, wait...
( K2k6 has seen Lesley Garrett naked, Wed 27 Aug 2008, 8:19, )

Ooh tea!
That's a bloody good idea... sunshine in a cup! And your vibes are appreciated :)

What do you do to have to work such shifts?

My excuse is, taxis won't direct themselves if I'm not here... despite the fact I've only passed nine jobs since 7am. Gives me more time here tho so I shouldn't complain!

Edit: Morning K2k6, you jammy, sun-having git. How's you?
(No3L this crackling is really moreish, Wed 27 Aug 2008, 8:22, )

@no 31
I work in a doctors office, but its in the middle of the business district, so we open at 7 so people can come in before work, and once a week everyone has a turn at covering reception until the actual receptionist comes in at 9:30.


I blooming love tea :)

edit @k2k6 Where on the east coast? My hometowns been pretty nice, in the northeast but I suspect were in some sort of sun trap...
(weekirst23 No more rubbish job! :( No more wages either!!, Wed 27 Aug 2008, 8:26, )

I'm not that jammy, No3l
It may be sunny outside, but I'm in an office with a window which is at ground level with bushes outside it.

Still, it could be worse. My boss isn't in yet!
( K2k6 has seen Lesley Garrett naked, Wed 27 Aug 2008, 8:27, )

I wasn't brought up on tea
and all my mates used to go "What? You don't drink tea?" like I was some kind of beverage outcast.

I'm partial to the occasional cup now and then. Or a massive mugfull with two bags, three sugars and half a pint of warm milk for hangovers :)
(No3L this crackling is really moreish, Wed 27 Aug 2008, 8:34, )

morning folks
I stopped drinking tea partly to help me sleep better (need all the help I can get) and partly as a protest against a countrywide addiction.

mainly though it was due to the inability of some of my friends to do anything before they've had a cup of tea.

if I've gone camping and got up at 7am to go surfing then I fucking well want to leave immediately and get in the water, not wait around for an hour for people to fanny about drinking tea.

apologies for early morning ranting :-)

how are you all?

Mrs Vipros is having extreme dental pain at the moment so I've had the full complement of tears to deal with this morning
( Vipros this crack is really moreish, Wed 27 Aug 2008, 8:41, )

Me too
Probably the three most popular drinks in the world are tea, coffee and Coca Cola. I drink none of them, because I don't like hot drinks, and to me Coke tastes awful.

My gran used to go on at me about not drinking tea. "It's a social thing", she'd say. "You should take it. What happens if you're in company and you're offered a cup of tea?"

"I refuse politely, and drink water or milk or whatever instead", was my reply.

"But that's rude. You should drink tea". Etc etc.

So I countered with my own argument. She and my grandad were teetotal (the typical old-fashioned Presbyterian 'evil drink' attitude) so I said, "Well, what would you do if you were in a pub with friends and they were all drinking beer and wine and the like?"

"I'd just have a glass of orange juice", she replied.

"I rest my case".
( K2k6 has seen Lesley Garrett naked, Wed 27 Aug 2008, 8:42, )

Morning Vipros!
It was the same with football. "What team do you support?"

"I don't follow a team..."

"What!?"

"Sigh."

God I sound low today!

*bounces*

I'm actually in quite a good mood... honestly! :)
(No3L this crackling is really moreish, Wed 27 Aug 2008, 8:48, )

oddly enough
Before I came to uni I never touched the stuff. Never at all, but its just something I 'do' now. Can't break my habit :) I like the idea of a really big mug with two tea bags, three sugars and halfa pint of hot milk though! :) Like a hug for my insides mmmm
(weekirst23 No more rubbish job! :( No more wages either!!, Wed 27 Aug 2008, 8:51, )

I used to drink cups and cups of filter coffee at work because it used to help with the early morning hash haze I had. I quit because I knew I was addicted... I couldn't function without my first cup of coffee and I wasn't down with that. Now I just shoot up smack, which really gets me going in the morning*

* mostly lies
(No3L this crackling is really moreish, Wed 27 Aug 2008, 8:56, )

I'm currently drinking some Irn Bru
but not because I need the caffeine. Just because I'm thirsty!

My only addiction is to b3ta.
( K2k6 has seen Lesley Garrett naked, Wed 27 Aug 2008, 8:57, )

Morning everybody
I my case, I book the afternoon off work. That brings a certain amount of sunshine into my morning.
( DarkSon a time and date will follow this username on, Wed 27 Aug 2008, 8:58, )

When
I worked in a coffee shop in Australia I used to drink three or four large espressos a day.

Then when I wasn't working I would get these really bad headaches. So I stopped.

But tea is just wonderful stuff.

I like my tea like I like my women, hot, strong and in a big cup.
( althegeordie probably shat on your face as you slept last night, Wed 27 Aug 2008, 8:59, )

Hmm addictions?
I know I have a medium-sized alcohol problem... I smoke cigs at work but not otherwise, and I certainly have a penchant for furious masturbation... but I think that's just healthy :)

Edit... morning Al, DarkSon! How are we today?
(No3L this crackling is really moreish, Wed 27 Aug 2008, 9:02, )

if I had ever been able to drink coffee I would've given that up too
but unfortunately, despite loving the taste, it made me feel sick, every time without fail.

I have the occasional coke these days, because it is delicious, but I'd rather have it without caffeine.

I've never understood why they only make the caffeine free one in diet form, which tastes nasty

my reefer habit is my vice. I should cut back, but I don't want to :-)
( Vipros this crack is really moreish, Wed 27 Aug 2008, 9:04, )

Morning all
When Mr Inabin's dad died we discovered what an English minute was. He died at home and it was the time between him dying and the kettle going on. Sorry to start on a downer.
(Mrs Liveinabin is not ill anymore!, Wed 27 Aug 2008, 9:05, )

Morning Mrs Liveinabin
Thank you for your legal type advice yesterday.
( althegeordie probably shat on your face as you slept last night, Wed 27 Aug 2008, 9:06, )

Good morning.
To brighten my day I chat on B3ta and I think about sex.

Always works!
( big-girl's-blouse Wake me up when it's January, Wed 27 Aug 2008, 9:07, )

@vipros
in the early 90's they did make a full fat caffene free version. As A tiny weekirst Any form of caffene and most artificial colours, flavours and preservatives gave me a three day migrane. Then, one day it just dissapeared... Thankfully I appear to have grown out of that :)
(weekirst23 No more rubbish job! :( No more wages either!!, Wed 27 Aug 2008, 9:08, )

Caffiene addiction
is a terrible thing. I'm currently draining my second and last absurdly strong coffee of the day. I used to drink more, but I've cut down a lot recently. I'd quit entirely, but no coffee means headaches, which lead to migraines, which put me off work for a week. It's easier just to stay a junkie.

In other news, I'm fine. Just counting the seconds 'till 12:20.
( DarkSon a time and date will follow this username on, Wed 27 Aug 2008, 9:09, )

kirst
that's interesting. I'm going to track it down
( Vipros this crack is really moreish, Wed 27 Aug 2008, 9:09, )

Morning Al
No problem, I hope it helps. I really must get up now. Lying in bed posting from a phone is far too lazy.
(Mrs Liveinabin is not ill anymore!, Wed 27 Aug 2008, 9:09, )

Morning, all you 9am people
BGB - I forgot last night to look out a photo of me in a kilt. So you'll just have to wait, I'm afraid! (It was you who was talking about that yesterday, wasn't it?)
( K2k6 has seen Lesley Garrett naked, Wed 27 Aug 2008, 9:09, )

Morning Mrs Bin, BGB
b3ta and thinking about sex... at the same time? That would explain a lot :p

Edit: DarkSon... ever thought it might be caffeine withdrawl causing the headaches? Just a thought.
(No3L this crackling is really moreish, Wed 27 Aug 2008, 9:09, )

@vipros
never ever saw it again, but I'm pretty sure My mum used to buy it. After years of not being allowed any juice type things, I can't drink em now at all. can't stand coke n stuff... (but i'll choke it down if you stick a vodka in it :) )
not diet though. I'd rather choke on my own vomit :(
(weekirst23 No more rubbish job! :( No more wages either!!, Wed 27 Aug 2008, 9:15, )

no31
I know the headaches are caffiene withdrawal... it's just that the migraines they trigger are so horrible I'd rather just carry on with the coffee.
( DarkSon a time and date will follow this username on, Wed 27 Aug 2008, 9:18, )

Mmmm diet coke
I used to drink loads of the stuff, especially when late night gaming with friends. Not so much any more though, it just tastes so synthetic.

Edit: fair enough DarkSon. I've only ever had one headache I'd define as a migrane, and I'd have drunk bleach to get rid of it, such was the pain.
(No3L this crackling is really moreish, Wed 27 Aug 2008, 9:18, )

You should try
coke zero if you don't like diet coke. It tastes like real coke, but it's full of hideous synthetic sweeteners instead of good old natural sugar.
( althegeordie probably shat on your face as you slept last night, Wed 27 Aug 2008, 9:23, )

@No31
Considering the smut that bandied about on here, it's very difficult not to read B3ta and think about sex.

@K2K6 - I would never say no to a pic of a man in a kilt.
( big-girl's-blouse Wake me up when it's January, Wed 27 Aug 2008, 9:23, )

I am sitting here about to start work with my raspberry and cranberry tea
I gave up proper tea years ago when I gave up coffee (but the coffee only went for a short while) - it was when I was teaching full time and I was downing around eight cups a day and constantly suffering from cystitis.

It could have been the tea and coffee or it could have been too much sex....

It was the drink.

And it looks like it's going to piss down here.

This weather is depressing. Add that to all the excitement being over now after the weekend.

It's miserable here.

:(
( chickenlady Official Antelope keeper and trainer for 2009, Wed 27 Aug 2008, 9:25, )

BGB
I would point you in the direction of my QOTW post... no linky cos I'm using my phone :(

Warning: Not Suitable For Taking Your Mind Off Sex.

Edit: morning chickenlady... I used to drink hot orange or blackcurrant squash... poor man's herbal tea :)
(No3L this crackling is really moreish, Wed 27 Aug 2008, 9:26, )

Today
I am wobbly of leg and grim of stomach. One is not impressed or amused.
( beckyjsbx http://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/console_lines.png, Wed 27 Aug 2008, 9:30, )

Morning
Good to see you back here Mr. K.

EDIT: Ms. JSBX, I was also grim or stomach this morning, that was what woke me up, not my bloody alarm.
*twitches*
(Kaol - Slicing your meats into bite-sized chunks, Wed 27 Aug 2008, 9:31, )

@ No3l
Hot squash reminds me of being poorly as a kid.

My herbal teas were often referred to as my Lesbian tea by my ex's brother. Strangely none of my lesbian friends drink them...but I do have a couple of straight male friends who do...
( chickenlady Official Antelope keeper and trainer for 2009, Wed 27 Aug 2008, 9:33, )

Morning!
How are we all today?

EDIT to brighten up my day me and guys in work play "Log your log". I'm sure you've heard of it but it occasionally throws up some wonderful comments.

Other than I tend to sit out the back of the shop and catch some of the infamous eastcoast sunshine/seagull shit.
(Holy Cremola Foam Batman is like a really shit Action Man, Wed 27 Aug 2008, 9:33, )

We're miserable and drinking tea
Good morning Batman. Nice kilt you have there.
( chickenlady Official Antelope keeper and trainer for 2009, Wed 27 Aug 2008, 9:36, )

Woo, new people!
Hello to all of you new people.
Were any of you lurkers?
(Kaol - Slicing your meats into bite-sized chunks, Wed 27 Aug 2008, 9:37, )

Morning becky, Kaol, Holy
Today I'm mostly enjoying my brand new sander and thinking about writing a snotty letter to Wickes head office.

No... wait...

Edit: I've been lurking for about a year... this Off Topic lark was a great idea :)
(No3L this crackling is really moreish, Wed 27 Aug 2008, 9:37, )

Good morning all
Hope everyone's good this morning? It may be grey and mild, but the folks here are anything but!

Nice to meet you at the weekend Kaol, must meet for another pint soon.

Anyone heard how DiT is doing with his medical complaint?
(PJM Has had his cover well and truly blown, Wed 27 Aug 2008, 9:41, )

Morning chickenlady
I would sympathise with you over the grey skys but unfortunately it's absolutely glorious up here, sorry. And thanks, glad you liked it :)

@ Koal; yeah long time lurker, thought I should get my arse in gear and make more of an effort.

EDIT plus I have the creative writing abilities of a 2 year old so could never post anything decent on QOTW. People on /talk are just mean so this seemed the best place to spend time.
(Holy Cremola Foam Batman is like a really shit Action Man, Wed 27 Aug 2008, 9:41, )

Right I'm going to do some work now
I may return in an hour once I've churned 1 or 2k of words.

I'll catch you lovely people later.
( chickenlady Official Antelope keeper and trainer for 2009, Wed 27 Aug 2008, 9:41, )

I'm drinking tea
but I'm not miserable because I got a pay rise last month, I'm making my living room floor look lovely, and I'm off to the football with my dad tonight.

Woo!
( althegeordie probably shat on your face as you slept last night, Wed 27 Aug 2008, 9:46, )

Morning PJM
I think DiT said yesterday he had to register at the docs so won't be seen for a couple of days.
(No3L this crackling is really moreish, Wed 27 Aug 2008, 9:46, )

Now i'm all of the confused
Am I now No3l or am I still althegeordie?
( althegeordie probably shat on your face as you slept last night, Wed 27 Aug 2008, 9:47, )

Well if you don't know
then how are we supposed to?
( beckyjsbx http://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/console_lines.png, Wed 27 Aug 2008, 9:50, )

PJM
It was indeed lovely to meet you!
My sig is a tribute to you...

Anyway, the problem with Lurkers is that as soon as they post something, they're no longer a lurker.
For that reason lurkers exhibit a degree of Schrödinger's cat.
If you can observe them, they aren't lurkers. But if they're lurking, they can't be observed.
(Kaol - Slicing your meats into bite-sized chunks, Wed 27 Aug 2008, 9:50, )

Wait a minute...
If you're him and he's him, and you're him and he's him, am I still me? And if not, who's eating this chicken?
(No3L this crackling is really moreish, Wed 27 Aug 2008, 9:50, )

Ah, No3l
Didn't you reply to the retro computing post the other day?

Morning Al!
(PJM Has had his cover well and truly blown, Wed 27 Aug 2008, 9:51, )

Get off my chicken
You thieving bastard!
*smacks*
(Kaol - Slicing your meats into bite-sized chunks, Wed 27 Aug 2008, 9:52, )

PJM
Yeah that was me. Spec 48k FTW!

Edit: Kaol, I like your quantumesque stylings. I am glad to be part of the universe! So, what am I if I'm no longer a lurker?
(No3L this crackling is really moreish, Wed 27 Aug 2008, 9:55, )

Morning PJM
Hope you have recovered from your weekends activities. I felt surprisingly chipper on sunday morning.

@Kaol - is the exception to that if a lurker turns up to a bash and just loiters around listening to people?
( althegeordie probably shat on your face as you slept last night, Wed 27 Aug 2008, 9:56, )

No3l
You're a QOTW-based b3tard, grade 4.

For clarification, you gain one grade for:

Coming first in a QOTW. (EDIT FOR CLARIFICATION: First as in top of the Best Of)
Getting into the Newsletter.
Getting your QOTW suggestion chosen.
(Kaol - Slicing your meats into bite-sized chunks, Wed 27 Aug 2008, 10:00, )

So I'm only a grade 3
Hmmmmm, how do you get stuff in the newsletter without any discernable talent for writing or photoshop?
( althegeordie probably shat on your face as you slept last night, Wed 27 Aug 2008, 10:02, )

I managed it by
Writing in to comment on one of the "Top Tips", about ants, then I got featured the next week.

I'm grade 1, by the way.
*smug grin*
(Kaol - Slicing your meats into bite-sized chunks, Wed 27 Aug 2008, 10:04, )

Well that's me buggered.
I'll only ever be a grade 4 : (
( big-girl's-blouse Wake me up when it's January, Wed 27 Aug 2008, 10:06, )

What happens
if you just post mindless shite on off-topic?
(Holy Cremola Foam Batman is like a really shit Action Man, Wed 27 Aug 2008, 10:06, )

I'm only grade three, I think
Can you get marginal grade increases for being on the first page of QOTW? I've done that a few times but only once have I managed to get in the newsletter because of it. But I did once get a mention for sending in something else, pre links board.
( K2k6 has seen Lesley Garrett naked, Wed 27 Aug 2008, 10:06, )

Grade 4 eh?
I assume that's only one step above Lurker... does coming absolute bottom on last week's QOTW Best page count for anything? :)
(No3L this crackling is really moreish, Wed 27 Aug 2008, 10:07, )

Being on the Best Of page
Is a duty. You should aspire to make it there with every QOTW answer that you post.

Coming top takes a special kind of fantasticness, worthy of gaining a grade.
(Kaol - Slicing your meats into bite-sized chunks, Wed 27 Aug 2008, 10:09, )

hmmm
Kaol: there was a qotw topic chosen that you suggested, but you came up with it in conversation with me. do I get any points for that?
( Vipros this crack is really moreish, Wed 27 Aug 2008, 10:09, )

Vipros...
No.
(Kaol - Slicing your meats into bite-sized chunks, Wed 27 Aug 2008, 10:11, )

Hmm
I think scratching "b3ta" into my chest with a compass and chaining myself naked to the gates of Buckingham Palace might get me in the newsletter... or at least, in the news.
(No3L this crackling is really moreish, Wed 27 Aug 2008, 10:11, )

Ahh but
there must be allowances made as I was second on the best of page and that week there wasn't a QOTW section in the newsletter. I'd have made it otherwise.
( beckyjsbx http://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/console_lines.png, Wed 27 Aug 2008, 10:11, )

Morning all!
Hello my lovelies, how have you all been?
All this talk of tea is making me think I should get up and put the kettle on in a minute.
(Lucy Van Pelt embracing ginlovers, Wed 27 Aug 2008, 10:12, )

didn't think so
:-(

edit: I just came up with a great answer to the QOTW, only to find out that I had forgotten which question it was, and my answer was for last weeks :-(
( Vipros this crack is really moreish, Wed 27 Aug 2008, 10:13, )

Morning LvP
did you survive Reading okay? Did you meet up with wanderlust too?
( althegeordie probably shat on your face as you slept last night, Wed 27 Aug 2008, 10:13, )

Becky...
It doesn't work like that.
The time I won the QOTW, it wasn't newslettered.
I've been near the top of the Best Of many a time, but they tend to pick random short, funny stories to put in, rather than pay much attention to the rankings.
(Kaol - Slicing your meats into bite-sized chunks, Wed 27 Aug 2008, 10:14, )

Well then that's just not fair
and I'm not playing anymore.

*stomps off in a frilly flouncing skirt*
( beckyjsbx http://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/console_lines.png, Wed 27 Aug 2008, 10:18, )

Morning everybody.
How are you lovely lot today? Well except for the folks with dodgy tummies, beacause you are all not well :(

Gods it took me forever to recover from the bash.
(Herr Doktor Lemminge does not want anything that come out of a wazoo on, Wed 27 Aug 2008, 10:19, )

Right...
So I've come first once and been newslettered 3 times... What grade does that make me then, O Mighty One? :)

(You should also get points for hat tricks!)

Morning everyone. I have forced myself in to the office today, regardless of the fact I feel like shit on toast. Still, the week is halfway done! HOORAY!
( Devil_In_Tights - A cheese and onion union jack tickler it is!, Wed 27 Aug 2008, 10:20, )

Morning Lucy
We haven't met. I'm No3l, and I'm a Grade 4 QOTW ex-lurker :)

Is that a zombie taking your picture in your profile?

Edit: morning Dok, DiT. How's the maracas?
(No3L this crackling is really moreish, Wed 27 Aug 2008, 10:20, )

I might make badges tonight.
Wonderfully, I can't think of any other Grade 1's...

*grins*
(Kaol - Slicing your meats into bite-sized chunks, Wed 27 Aug 2008, 10:20, )

hmm
I don't understand... i've been first on a QOTW once, but in general my answers are a bit crap, so i'm highly unlikely to make the best of page... Do i get a grade at all?

P.S i was a lurker for years, i only signed up a few months ago though...
(weekirst23 No more rubbish job! :( No more wages either!!, Wed 27 Aug 2008, 10:21, )

Mornin' DiT, Herr Dr.
Good seein' you on Saturday!

Mr. Devil, that makes you a Grade Two, you just need a QOTW suggestion chosen and you'll be one of the ruling-class elite. I'll save you a seat...

Edit: Weekirst, you're Grade 3 then.
EDIT TO EDIT: Sorry, you misunderstood. First on the QOTW as in not first post, best answer. Grade 4, I'm afraid.
(Kaol - Slicing your meats into bite-sized chunks, Wed 27 Aug 2008, 10:22, )

Kaol
Badges are a good idea. As are badgers... my phone wants badgers. Gotta love predictive text!
(No3L this crackling is really moreish, Wed 27 Aug 2008, 10:27, )

Hey No3l...
They're fine, thanks! Still haven't had anyone feel 'em up for me though. I'm going to a walk in centre tonight.
( Devil_In_Tights - A cheese and onion union jack tickler it is!, Wed 27 Aug 2008, 10:28, )

Yeah Kaol
It was great meeting you as well. And I also thought you'd be shorter!
(Herr Doktor Lemminge does not want anything that come out of a wazoo on, Wed 27 Aug 2008, 10:28, )

Reading was ACE
And I did indeed meet up with Wanderlust, she's as lovely as you'd think she is and we danced like knobs. It was such good fun.
Yes I have a pet zombie that takes all pictures of me, it discourages people from walking in front of the camera.
How was the bash? I was just looking at the photos, looked ace.
(Lucy Van Pelt embracing ginlovers, Wed 27 Aug 2008, 10:29, )

Welcome to
Nutwatch.
(No3L this crackling is really moreish, Wed 27 Aug 2008, 10:30, )

This grading malarkey
Is far too complicated for me. I suggest the following:

Lurker
Ranter
Uber Ranter
Dribbler
Drunken Late-Night Dribbler
Flirter
Genuinely Strange
'Nurse! Increase the Dosage!'

I think I qualify for at least half of the above.

On the bright side, while the weather is greyer than a Management Consultants soul, I have at last been paid for my last contract, so will toddle off to the bank with a couple of cheques clutched in my grubby mitt.
(osok Rebel without a clue, Wed 27 Aug 2008, 10:30, )

Presented by Bill Oddie and Kate Humble?
With Ben Fogle doing location reports?


No thanks. But Kate Humble can stay.
( Devil_In_Tights - A cheese and onion union jack tickler it is!, Wed 27 Aug 2008, 10:31, )

Herr Dr...
You also said "I thought you'd be less corporate"...

How a simple suit jacket can cloud judgement :p

EDIT: Osok, which of those do I get?
(Kaol - Slicing your meats into bite-sized chunks, Wed 27 Aug 2008, 10:33, )

Kaol
You probably qualify for the full set, however a gracious sovereign is considering investing you with The Order Of Kaol (Second Class).
(osok Rebel without a clue, Wed 27 Aug 2008, 10:37, )

Oh yes... Kate Humble
Man alive that girl floats my boat. And I've no idea why.
(No3L this crackling is really moreish, Wed 27 Aug 2008, 10:38, )

Bugger all that grading malarky.
Were all as speshul and important and talented as each other, just in different ways.


SO THERE!
( big-girl's-blouse Wake me up when it's January, Wed 27 Aug 2008, 10:40, )

I vote we go back to
Deviltania and declare war on Kaoltown. I was ministery of defence or some such fun things then.
( beckyjsbx http://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/console_lines.png, Wed 27 Aug 2008, 10:45, )

Yes Ma'am, Your Worshipful BGBness
*Salutes*

*Scurries off in chastened manner*
(osok Rebel without a clue, Wed 27 Aug 2008, 10:45, )

Why don't we get QOTW stats like the boarders and talk ppl do?
That's just mean :(
(No3L this crackling is really moreish, Wed 27 Aug 2008, 10:45, )

Ungrateful creatures!
Think of all I've done for you!

You're just jealous that nobody else is Grade 1.
(Kaol - Slicing your meats into bite-sized chunks, Wed 27 Aug 2008, 10:47, )

I agree with BGB
we are all very special. Our mummy's said so.

And the nipple clamps make BGB extra special. She's also much taller in real life than you might expect.
( althegeordie probably shat on your face as you slept last night, Wed 27 Aug 2008, 10:50, )

Devilavian war
To be fair, Kaol does brighten up this board with his dictatorial style!

BTW - Kate Humble FTW.
( K2k6 has seen Lesley Garrett naked, Wed 27 Aug 2008, 10:53, )

Actually, my mummy
Refers to me as a complete bastard. I have no idea if that is a comment on my paternity or personality, and I think I'll keep it that way.
(osok Rebel without a clue, Wed 27 Aug 2008, 10:53, )

No3l
And everyone else.
Get clicking this...
www.b3ta.com/questions/bugs_and_feature_requests/post219587

Also, Al, A lot of people have said that they thought I'd be smaller...
Do I give off small-man-internet-vibes?
(Kaol - Slicing your meats into bite-sized chunks, Wed 27 Aug 2008, 10:53, )

@BGB
You need not fear having your photo taken. I was looking at RWH's photos from the bash, and many of the pics of you are much more flattering than that earless one in your profile!

All of us QOTWers are special (although it does depend on your definition of 'special')
( K2k6 has seen Lesley Garrett naked, Wed 27 Aug 2008, 10:55, )

QOTW Stats
I'm back from writing, btw - approx 1k today.

What about just relying on how many friends/fans we have?


*stands back and gloats*

*falls over due to size of inflated head*
( chickenlady Official Antelope keeper and trainer for 2009, Wed 27 Aug 2008, 10:55, )

Duly clicked, Kaol. Nice one.
Now if we can get a reply button/link at the bottom of the page, my life will be as complete as it can be as a Grade 4 who isn't getting any :)

Edit: chickenlady... do you write for a living?
(No3L this crackling is really moreish, Wed 27 Aug 2008, 10:57, )

100?
?

a reply button at the bottom of the page would be so good

it would make my life complete also

edit: have been meaning to ask for a while...

what has happened to Bert?
( Vipros this crack is really moreish, Wed 27 Aug 2008, 10:58, )

Morning you lovely people.
I'm back at work today, it doesn't feel like I've been away. Boooooo!

Is it home time yet?!
( wanderlust If we're in Sister Act 2 then I'm Whoopi Goldberg, Wed 27 Aug 2008, 11:02, )

Burt is on holiday
And I hope he gets back soon, I miss him.

'Lo Wanderlust! Did you have fun?
Were Rage any good?
(Kaol - Slicing your meats into bite-sized chunks, Wed 27 Aug 2008, 11:04, )

@ No3l
I write for money - I wouldn't call it making a living.
( chickenlady Official Antelope keeper and trainer for 2009, Wed 27 Aug 2008, 11:04, )

I didn't see all of rage
as I've seen them before. Plus they started to get a little bit too political for my liking.
Instead LvP and I went dancing with my friend Vicky and I spun around lots and generally made a tit of myself. Good times!
( wanderlust If we're in Sister Act 2 then I'm Whoopi Goldberg, Wed 27 Aug 2008, 11:06, )

did you say you didn't watch Metallica lusty?
I'd be curious to hear a review of their new stuff

I listened to their new single yesterday

it was better than the whole of their pile of shit last album, but not great. somewhat lacklustre and had a cobbled together feel about it.
( Vipros this crack is really moreish, Wed 27 Aug 2008, 11:09, )

^Well done you!
and may I say, chickenlady, it was an honour and a pleasure to meet you on Saturday!

*was a bit starstruck*
( Devil_In_Tights - A cheese and onion union jack tickler it is!, Wed 27 Aug 2008, 11:09, )

*perks up ears*
Did someone mention dancing like a tit? hello lusty, how are you?! I'm still applying for bloody jobs, reminiscing about Reading.
Fun times.
(Lucy Van Pelt embracing ginlovers, Wed 27 Aug 2008, 11:09, )

Morning wanderlust
chickenlady... I wish I could sit still for long enough to write. I barely get round to blogging any more, and I used to love that... so relaxing. I really should start again.

What kind of stuff do you write?
(No3L this crackling is really moreish, Wed 27 Aug 2008, 11:10, )

*sits up and takes notice*
Did someone mention tits?
( K2k6 has seen Lesley Garrett naked, Wed 27 Aug 2008, 11:13, )

I didn't see Metallica either!
Again as I've seen them before and well, to be honest they're not really my cup of tea.
I don't know enough of their songs to watch them for 2 hours so I stayed for a bit then went to dance my socks off to css and cover myself in glowsticks.
( wanderlust If we're in Sister Act 2 then I'm Whoopi Goldberg, Wed 27 Aug 2008, 11:13, )

No3l
Even writing QOTW answers can really help with getting in the writing-mood.

I'm about to start writing a new film, having shot our last one just over a week ago.
Writing a good long QOTW answer will help my brain get into "Writing Mode".
(Kaol - Slicing your meats into bite-sized chunks, Wed 27 Aug 2008, 11:14, )

Metallica
I watched an hour of Metallica. They were good I suppose but I had no idea when one song stopped and another began. But other people seemed to be having fun.
But I thought I should give em a go. Glad I did although I probably wouldn't see them again.
(Lucy Van Pelt embracing ginlovers, Wed 27 Aug 2008, 11:15, )

@ No3l
I get paid to write about my opinions (I bet that's a surprise to you all) for a magazine but I've been making myself write short stories in order to build up more of a publishing profile so I can eventually get my novella in print.

I also teach it too.

But in fairness, this is all recent stuff - up until less than two years ago I was a full time slave farmer/farmer's wife.

In true romantic style I gave it all up to pursue my dreams and maintain my mental health.
( chickenlady Official Antelope keeper and trainer for 2009, Wed 27 Aug 2008, 11:17, )

I always have ideas for stories, screenplays etc
but I tend to flit from making a start to starting something else. I have problems finishing things :)
(No3L this crackling is really moreish, Wed 27 Aug 2008, 11:18, )

It would be good
if we could have a QOTW that we could really sink our teeth into.
(Herr Doktor Lemminge does not want anything that come out of a wazoo on, Wed 27 Aug 2008, 11:21, )

Herr Dr...
"Tales of Cannibalism"?
(Kaol - Slicing your meats into bite-sized chunks, Wed 27 Aug 2008, 11:22, )

Write them down and put them away
It doesn't matter if you don't finish things - put them away and then in months or years you'll have loads of stuff which you may feel like finishing.

And even when we think we've finished something once we look at it again after a period of time it often isn't really finished at all.

Mind you I often look at stuff I wrote ages ago and think, 'Dear god, what a pile of crap!' generally it's the stuff I thought was brilliant at the time.

Sometimes though it's really nice to come across a piece and find a couple of sentences that are real gems - mostly I'll think that I didn't write that bit - that's when I know it's good because it's not obviously mine.


*EDIT* Right folks, off to be a mother for a bit and take the kids out to see their friends for the afternoon. Don't be too exciting while I'm away please!
( chickenlady Official Antelope keeper and trainer for 2009, Wed 27 Aug 2008, 11:22, )

How I picture Chickenlady

(Mrs Liveinabin is not ill anymore!, Wed 27 Aug 2008, 11:25, )

Chickenlady
I have a similar kinda thing when I'm writing songs, I'll get a couple of lines that work really well, then end up taking them out of their original song and putting them in something better.
(Kaol - Slicing your meats into bite-sized chunks, Wed 27 Aug 2008, 11:26, )

Oh Hell Kaol
That would be better than the crap we've had recently.

Far more fun and entertaining!
(Herr Doktor Lemminge does not want anything that come out of a wazoo on, Wed 27 Aug 2008, 11:29, )

@liveinabin
That's spot on perfect. She's all black on top and white underneath. And if you tickle her tummy she wees on the floor.
( althegeordie probably shat on your face as you slept last night, Wed 27 Aug 2008, 11:34, )

Thanks for the advice folks
I'll start doing that. Putting my ideas to paper and filing them away has gotta be better than letting them fade in my brain.

What are we all having for lunch today? I've just had two slices of loverly granary toast. Looking for inspiration on the snack front.
(No3L this crackling is really moreish, Wed 27 Aug 2008, 11:36, )

Herr Dr,
Fear ye not, I'm writing a story as we speak!
(Kaol - Slicing your meats into bite-sized chunks, Wed 27 Aug 2008, 11:37, )

@Al
No! your getting her mixed up with Tourettes.
( big-girl's-blouse Wake me up when it's January, Wed 27 Aug 2008, 11:37, )

I'll be having
nothing for lunch, as my employers seem to think that paying me on a regular day every month is a bit too corporate for them, they prefer the avante garde approach.

I love working here, but that is blady annoying.
( Devil_In_Tights - A cheese and onion union jack tickler it is!, Wed 27 Aug 2008, 11:39, )

@ No3l
I'm having the left overs of last nights chicken fajitas . Forgot the cheese though so using cheesey doritos instead. Mmmmmm crunchy.

D_I_T the folk I work for are exactly the same. Some months it's a really short month which is great at the time...but then that's usually followed up by an extra long month which is never good at any time. Bastards.
(Holy Cremola Foam Batman is like a really shit Action Man, Wed 27 Aug 2008, 11:41, )

Posted!
www.b3ta.com/questions/gullible/post228921

There you go.

Lunch? Still an hour and twenty minutes away.
I'll be having a coffee, a meat sandwich and an orange.
(Kaol - Slicing your meats into bite-sized chunks, Wed 27 Aug 2008, 11:42, )

On wages...
I get paid weekly.
That means I always have money, but it's terrible for saving.
(Kaol - Slicing your meats into bite-sized chunks, Wed 27 Aug 2008, 11:45, )

Lunch hmmm
I have to pop to the supermarket so the world is my oyster really. I should have something healthy as I have lived off of crap the past week but ideally I'd like some salt and vinegar pringles and a hoi sin duck wrap for lunch.
nom nom nom.
(Lucy Van Pelt embracing ginlovers, Wed 27 Aug 2008, 11:48, )

I've been having a chat by the water cooloer
and now I have drink too much super chilled water, dangerously lowering my core temperature....

I'm shivering like a bastard

edit: lunch = leftover pancetta and leek cannelloni. and a marmite sandwich.
( Vipros this crack is really moreish, Wed 27 Aug 2008, 11:49, )

Vipros...
I read that as "leftover placenta"...

EDIT: Where the fuck has everyone gone? Bastards!
(Kaol - Slicing your meats into bite-sized chunks, Wed 27 Aug 2008, 11:50, )

Heh
I employed a guy a while back who used to work in a large office and was used to having a water cooler. I couldn't afford/be arsed to get one so he spent an entire afternoon in the basement making a cardboard cut out of one just so he and the 2 other people who work here could have a chat around it.

He also made cut outs potted plants to brighten the place up. Nutter.
(Holy Cremola Foam Batman is like a really shit Action Man, Wed 27 Aug 2008, 11:54, )

that's quite mental
I have totally frozen myself

just had to go and use the hand driers to warm up

hasn't worked....
( Vipros this crack is really moreish, Wed 27 Aug 2008, 11:57, )

Batman
I assume that you didn't keep him for long?

Vipros
The opposite of cold water is coffee... Go!
(Kaol - Slicing your meats into bite-sized chunks, Wed 27 Aug 2008, 11:58, )

Yo yo yo
Big it up Dawg stylee innit.

Pow.

Ning all
(Ethelred now has a plethora of Cock Cords, Wed 27 Aug 2008, 11:59, )

Kaol
Actually he still works here but he moved to our Glasgow branch. He tried the same trick there and the manager went mental which I thought was a bit harsh.

He apparently spends most of his shivering in the corner in fear of being judged to be a crazy person. He did make a kick ass cut out Crimbo tree one year though. Poor little bugger.
(Holy Cremola Foam Batman is like a really shit Action Man, Wed 27 Aug 2008, 12:03, )

@HCFB
Does this guy have a life size* cardboard cut out of Kylie in his bedroom too?

*small
( K2k6 has seen Lesley Garrett naked, Wed 27 Aug 2008, 12:05, )

@holy
you know, if he was in my office, he'd probably be my friend :) (my office thinks i'm a bit odd. not helped by the frequent giggling to myself in the corner readong B3ta )
(weekirst23 No more rubbish job! :( No more wages either!!, Wed 27 Aug 2008, 12:06, )

*makes cardboard cutout of Kate Humble to brighten up the office*
(No3L this crackling is really moreish, Wed 27 Aug 2008, 12:07, )

Kaol
I don't drink coffee or tea

hot cannelloni will save me!
( Vipros this crack is really moreish, Wed 27 Aug 2008, 12:07, )

@HCFB
He sounds like my kind of nutter!

I love people who are a bit odd, probably why I like B3ta so much! :p
( wanderlust If we're in Sister Act 2 then I'm Whoopi Goldberg, Wed 27 Aug 2008, 12:07, )

He actually
asked me to go round to his one night but I politely declined in case he turned out to be a cardboard axe murderer. I didn't fancy working the next with a series of nasty paper cuts on me nogen.

I like to think he had a load of cardboard friends and pets around him when he went home though so he had some company.

EDIT I actually really miss him. He was a genuinely nice bloke he was just a bit odd. And really intense as well. But good guy!

Johnny if you're reading this...can you make me a cardboard Holly Willoughby please?
(Holy Cremola Foam Batman is like a really shit Action Man, Wed 27 Aug 2008, 12:08, )

Ah...
Hot, creamy goodness for the win, Mr. V.

In other news, I want a cigarette.
*smashes desk*

I'm not having one though.

*clenches fist*
(Kaol - Slicing your meats into bite-sized chunks, Wed 27 Aug 2008, 12:08, )

@kaol
quitting or cutting down??
(weekirst23 No more rubbish job! :( No more wages either!!, Wed 27 Aug 2008, 12:10, )

Quitting.
I don't even smoke properly.
I've just smoked a lot since Friday.

And I've got a deal with someone that we'll both stop.
(Kaol - Slicing your meats into bite-sized chunks, Wed 27 Aug 2008, 12:12, )

Kate Humble
Actually, a cardboard Kate Humble would certainly brighten up the office. I just did a Google image search for said lady, and turned up something odd. Try it. Go to Google images, make sure safe search is turned off, type in "kate humble" (with the quotes) and select 'extra large images'.

Observe the first result. Most odd, I thought.

Well, I did until further research revealed she likes getting her kit off outdoors, and actually did so when doing a holiday programme report from a nude beach.

The thought of which has been preoccupying me since then!
( K2k6 has seen Lesley Garrett naked, Wed 27 Aug 2008, 12:13, )

What do you reckon
the guy on the right of the group is saying?


"Pssst big man...honestly it's not always that small...it's just really cold."

That is odd though.
(Holy Cremola Foam Batman is like a really shit Action Man, Wed 27 Aug 2008, 12:18, )

Am I missing something?
Where is 'extra large images' on google?

Anyway, I can't see what you're on about!

EDIT: Got it! Hehehe
( Devil_In_Tights - A cheese and onion union jack tickler it is!, Wed 27 Aug 2008, 12:20, )

@DiT
You have to click on the Images tag first, which takes you to Google images. Then there's a drop down menu which allows you to refine your search by image size.

Anyway, the picture is here. May be marginally NSFW, but it's only a drawing, so it's 99% likely to be fine.
( K2k6 has seen Lesley Garrett naked, Wed 27 Aug 2008, 12:24, )

me either
but my computer always wants to use google.ie anyway
(weekirst23 No more rubbish job! :( No more wages either!!, Wed 27 Aug 2008, 12:27, )

K2k6
You have just brought sunshine to my day. You win the internet.

Roll on three of the clock!
(No3L this crackling is really moreish, Wed 27 Aug 2008, 12:29, )

Well, thank you No3l.
Although I'd have made my own day had that picture actually been of Kate Humble!
( K2k6 has seen Lesley Garrett naked, Wed 27 Aug 2008, 12:33, )

Congratulations K2k6
Winner of the Internet.

New post up on QOTW...
*pimps shamelessly*
(Kaol - Slicing your meats into bite-sized chunks, Wed 27 Aug 2008, 12:35, )

Kate Humble
I just read a comment on some forum about Kate Humble

"Is Kate Humble the new thinking mans bird or is she just some bint with crazy hair"

Discuss!
(Holy Cremola Foam Batman is like a really shit Action Man, Wed 27 Aug 2008, 12:36, )

I'll be rampantly searching Youtube later
for that footage. Yes, I'm sad and lonely. I need some proper porn probably :)

Edit: Actually, on that note, if any of you lovely people fancy gazzing me in the direction of your favourite filth sites, I'd be endlessly grateful. And I'm aware this could be open to abuse... I don't love horses :)
(No3L this crackling is really moreish, Wed 27 Aug 2008, 12:37, )

No3l
I'm sorry to hear that you're sad and lonely.

What would a hooker cost there?
(Kaol - Slicing your meats into bite-sized chunks, Wed 27 Aug 2008, 12:38, )

She is...
A thinking man's girl. She has wonderful hair.

Having said that, she's no Fiona Bruce.
( Devil_In_Tights - A cheese and onion union jack tickler it is!, Wed 27 Aug 2008, 12:41, )

@No3l
I'd doubt you'd find it on YouTube. They don't tend to allow nudity. Anyway, my friend looked earlier and told me he couldn't find the footage.

*coughs*
( K2k6 has seen Lesley Garrett naked, Wed 27 Aug 2008, 12:42, )

Fiona Bruce FTW!
Kaplinskys a bit of a stonker too. Dirty ballroom dancing minx that she is.

EDIT Just found this on wikipedia

In September 2001 Kate and her fellow presenters appeared naked in a report from Wreck Beach in Vancouver as part of the audience suggestions in the BBC's Holiday - "You Call The Shots" . Sadly, as of 2008, this series has not been repeated on UK television.
(Holy Cremola Foam Batman is like a really shit Action Man, Wed 27 Aug 2008, 12:47, )

It's also a grey rainy morning over here, for the first time in months
but what really has me sad is that no one commented on the story I posted last night! Come on, folks, I need feedback! My frail ego is taking a beating here...
(The Resident Loon Don't worry, we're from the Internet!, Wed 27 Aug 2008, 12:49, )

mmmmm
Kate Humble

a mere naked shot of someone like that is better than porn

because you want it more :-)
( Vipros this crack is really moreish, Wed 27 Aug 2008, 12:50, )