Amusing spam email
My interest has been piqued by a '60 second visa application' spam I've just received.
Me: Can I have a credit card
Visa: No
Me: Oh go on, please
Visa: No
Me: But I have no money and I need it
Visa: No
Me: I'll send you a vectored photo of myself
Visa: ...well ok then, but you have to promise to repay all of the money...confirmed
Me: Mwa hahahahahaha
*click*
( beckyjsbx SQUIRREL, Thu 11 Jun 2009, 12:56, 14 replies)

Cufflinks for Christmas: £0
Shirts with Cufflink Holes: £50
Watching your co-worker develop a nervous tic synchronised with the clack clack clack of cufflink on desk as you type: Priceless

How are you driving someone mad today?
( The Light In Chains has Mountain Goats stuck in his head, Thu 11 Jun 2009, 12:25, 31 replies)

B3tans...I ask you!
I think we should try to cheer up, but more than just "I've had a good day", let's go for a full scale happy OT!

What happened on your favourite day ever?

Mine in replies.
( Agnostic Antichrist wonders if there are any 'normal' pics of him..., Thu 11 Jun 2009, 11:47, 97 replies)

FAO Women: You're all really annoying
That is all.
( Captain V, Thu 11 Jun 2009, 11:37, 55 replies)

72 year old woman gets tasered by police
www.telegraph.co.uk/news/newstopics/howaboutthat/5500959/US-policeman-used-Taser-on-72-year-old-woman.html

Did she deserve it?
( beckyjsbx SQUIRREL, Thu 11 Jun 2009, 11:31, 15 replies)

There's a new element.
Number 112 in the periodic table. It is super heavy so what would you name it? I go for Bluewhalium.
(Porkylips Built for comfort, not for speed., Thu 11 Jun 2009, 10:45, 54 replies)

I've got a great idea for an original thread here
It will get people talking and discussing things that they haven't talked about and discussed for over five minutes!

Here goes then.

Has anyone done something fun today or in the last week?

This includes going to fast food restaurants.

Or swiss clinics.
(cheeses swept kissed a dog and he liked it., Thu 11 Jun 2009, 10:28, 20 replies)

What things have you done recently that made you happy?
Yesterday my manager asked me to do something using Excel, I'm the only person in the office who knows enough about excel to do what he wanted doing.

Just after he finished telling me what was needed he told me that I will have to show the twunt who got the job I went for how to do it because he doesn't know anything but the bare basics of the software.

I laughed in his face! It made me feel good.
(Herr Doktor Lemminge is now learning to play the guitar on, Thu 11 Jun 2009, 10:21, 18 replies)

Just curious
How many of you would date a b3tan?
( beckyjsbx SQUIRREL, Thu 11 Jun 2009, 10:17, 137 replies)

Is it wrong to break up an engagement if you liked them first, but didn't do anything about it at the time?
But now there's renewed interest from both sides, would it be so wrong to speed up the process?
(Buckminsterfuller Bring out yer meat puppets, it's time for some fun, Thu 11 Jun 2009, 10:07, 20 replies)

Unhappy stuff in b3taland this morning
in an effort to cheer you up I'm going to be obnoxiously happy at you.

I'm good, I've got next week off to work in my garden, the surf looks good for the weekend, I have a lovely girlfriend with whom I am very happy, and things are generally pretty shiny.

What's good with you, or about you?
( Vipros like a fighterjet made out of biceps, Thu 11 Jun 2009, 10:01, 14 replies)

Prompted By Mrs.Liveinabin
What is the stupidest childs name you've come across (obviously teachers have a head start so only get half points).

My favourites so far are Maisie Tansytots and Heidi Boo (twin sisters at a friends nursery).
(Porkylips Built for comfort, not for speed., Thu 11 Jun 2009, 9:16, 35 replies)

while I am fully aware that a number of b3tans
are having a shit time, and I am truly sad to hear that, let me inject some light and fluffy.

I am going to LONDON today for my long b3taweekend which starts at 5.36 tonight when I meet mister Gonz at Waterloo. I forsee fun, drunkeness and lots of boobie jiggling with b3talovelies on Saturday. And DG and T got childcare, so something good is happening at least.

So in the midst of the crap, may I just say, roll on bashness :)
( ancrenne doesn't eat anything that can play video games, Thu 11 Jun 2009, 9:11, 15 replies)

A thought occurs from No3ls post
If you could take any TV show, and get anyone to write the scripts, who would you have?

I'd get Al to start writing the Neighbours scripts. Might actually make it interesting.
(Hairus Pottus Jag har smör i min rumpspringa, Thu 11 Jun 2009, 8:55, 24 replies)

Here's a rant to get Maladicta's blog started
Why do you insist on having the television at such ear-splitting volumes that deaf dogs in the next town can hear your fucking soaps?

Are you hard of hearing? No, you're twenty-two, for fuck's sake.

Do the bass vibrations enhance your viewing experience? Possibly.

Does this aural assault stop me focusing on my chess game, or anything other than what she said to him, or who's shagging Tom? Yup.

Does it make me want to take chopsticks, ram them into your ears and wiggle them around until you stop twitching in your reclining chair? You bet your arse it does.

As I was saying, what fun and exciting things are you doing today?
( Noely Noel people in my ear are telling me to stay calm, Thu 11 Jun 2009, 7:49, 45 replies)

WTF Is Going On?
Spimf's life has went to hell in a handcart, BGB has lost the love of her life, TDub is having a shit time with depression and a poor B3tard who's blogs I was following offed himself after losing his battle with drink and drugs.

Are we cursed?

Cheers

and Ancrenne can't sort her fucking Hotmail out
(Legless Fuck Victoria's Secret, Thu 11 Jun 2009, 5:40, 14 replies)

Ok b3tans,I really, really, REALLY need some help.
I have been battling this stupid depression since Jan. Things are getting worse every day. I am not going to do anything stupid, but I can't help thinking it would solve all my problems if I could just go to sleep and never wake up.

I know what I need to do and I can even prioitize it, but when I look at what I need to do, I am so overwhelmed I just think "fuck it-maybe I'll get lucky and die". And I'm talking about stuff that affects my very life. I'm having all these cardiac problems and I swear I'm going into congestive heart failure. I've been trying for 3 weeks to schedule a stress echocardiogram and I can't muster up the energy to JUST PICK UP THE FUCKING PHONE AND DO IT.
I haven't registered for fall classes, I'm about to get disenrolled from school 'cause I can't be bothered to arrange my clinical internship, my work contract ends Fri and I haven't done the least thing about getting a new job, I need that stress echo, I need to get into see a psychiatrist to prescribe anti-depressants, my kid's failing the 7th grade (2nd form? Whatever you're in when you are 13)and I can't help him catch up, my other kid graduated from high school and I can't get excited in the least, I'm steadily gaining weight and can hardly breathe and my knees are killing me.

Blah blah blah...

As far as I can see, I should:
1. get the cardiac appt
2. see the psychiatrist and start gulping pills
3. find some help for my 13 year old

but I just don't care. I'm too tired to eat and believe me, I don't miss many meals (being American and all...)

Help. Tell me what to do. Decide on a course of action for me.Give me some motivation. Tell me to shape up-scream at me even. Just help me out of this black Slough of Despond.
(TDub is wearing the black dog heavy on her shoulders on, Thu 11 Jun 2009, 0:11, 29 replies)

pwned
"There was a problem posting your message:

That video has already been watched 515343 times on YouTube. Click "Post" again if you think we haven't seen it. "

haha, got me.

Anyway, i was trying to post this: www.youtube.com/watch?v=rSrIkUXwsNk&feature=related

If you like dogs, do not watch this. If you want to see a dogs head connected to a machine and shit then carry on.
( I have run out of coke scum, subhuman scum, Wed 10 Jun 2009, 23:00, 2 replies)

of my many email accounts
the one that is most annoying is hotmail. There's a stupid bar of adverts down the right hand side that i cannot get rid of.

Any ideas? Other than getting another email account? Or tippexing out the screen?
( ancrenne doesn't eat anything that can play video games, Wed 10 Jun 2009, 22:10, 50 replies)

Embarrassing Illnesses
There's a lady on the telly with a really hairy 'anal region'. What's wrong with you, freak?
( Devil_In_Tights my ring is tight on my finger, Wed 10 Jun 2009, 21:06, 79 replies)

I've found my my magic 8 ball under a pile of books
what incredibly important question would you like to ask it?

Edit: Bear in mind it seems to be a bit mean tonight as I asked it if I would find a new job soon and it said not now.
( beckyjsbx SQUIRREL, Wed 10 Jun 2009, 21:00, 72 replies)

anyone here had a vasectomy?
I need hair removal advice as I really don't fancy shaving my lower brain
( mictoboy CNC lathe? GAZ ME!, Wed 10 Jun 2009, 20:40, 37 replies)

I am fucking knackered
eventually got home at almost 7. This setting up a business thing is fucking hard work.

And now my brain has gone to sleep and I can't rememeber what i need to pack to go to London for my extended weekend of b3tafuntiem

What should go in my bag, people?
( ancrenne doesn't eat anything that can play video games, Wed 10 Jun 2009, 20:10, 67 replies)

Fuck me, what a week
Monday, I find my imminent house sale is now delayed by at least another 4-6 weeks

Tuesday all kinds of shenanigans documented on a post on page 166 which was a bit of an experience to say the least.

Which leaves today, ah today, getting woken up at 4am by a bunch of screaming children, then having the head gasket go on my car on the M11, on top of a load of other things wrong with it means im now selling a cornea to fix it.

Bah, so what ladies and gentlemen, will go wrong tomorrow?
(Halfy House house house house house house house house, Wed 10 Jun 2009, 19:45, 19 replies)

It's seems that I have suddenly become 100% genuine, what you see is what you get.......single.
My question is.....what now?

Do I stock up on Chardonnay and Bridget Jones DVD's and spend the weekend using up an entire rainforest of toilet paper crying over the fact I've lost the only man I've ever loved?


Do I man the fuck up and join Match.com?




A cynical post from CHCB would be much appreciated right now.
( big-girl's-blouse wants to know if we're nearly there yet, Wed 10 Jun 2009, 19:37, 73 replies)

b3tans, I have registered donthaveaniceday.blogspot.com .
What shall I do with it?
( Maladicta click, click, boom, Wed 10 Jun 2009, 19:02, 14 replies)

Home Sweet Home?
Ok, what's the point of those HSH threads, are they just general chit-chat and 'talk about your day' things?

I'm so tired today, I nearly fell asleep sitting upright, and I can feel my pulse in my feet, it's quite nice and relaxing, but I don't want to go sleep yet because I'll mess up my sleeping pattern.

I'm watching Ross Kempt's thing on pirates, my sky is fucked, but we have that anytime recording thinggy which has a few good HD films on, the quality of the screen is really impressive.

I'm going to bake a Lemon cake and an Orange cake in a bit, not quite sure what to do for dinner though, I can't be arsed to cook a meal, I think I might wonder down to ASDA and get some microwave pasta.
( Gonz and the spare room from january. Gaz me if you're interested., Wed 10 Jun 2009, 18:00, 31 replies)

Techy Thready.
I found a place to get the new iPhone/Touch 3.0 software, here, I quite like it, the search feature is great, although I forgot how I sync'd it with google =((( I'll work it out eventualy.

I also just picked up a 37" 1080p telly from across the road.

Today is Technology WIN.

But I broke the sky yesterday =((((
( Gonz and the spare room from january. Gaz me if you're interested., Wed 10 Jun 2009, 15:51, 29 replies)