fench gcse
i got a U - less than 10% :) rather proud of it.



mickturate - Russ Abbot. is that you?

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the reason you lots are failing your driving test for the 38th time is, you are a danger to us all and have no place on the fucking road! give up - its a sign - not that you'd know.
(waxdart - Now a "funny" stand-up. 5 gigs in a row., Thu 11 Jan 2007, 16:26, Reply)

ambernj1...
...a Boverall? Is that like overalls you wear when you're hassling people?
( Professor Kenny Martin Steer right... steer left... swear... and relax =/, Thu 11 Jan 2007, 16:19, Reply)

I really do think I failed but...
... the examiner disagreed.

A level english, the night before my last paper.

Instead of doing the sensible thing and revising I got swept up in the glory of all those around me who had got through their exams and proceeded down to the local public house, got friendly with the barman, coerced him into a lock in for me and my mates and as thanks got jiggy with him on the roof terrace - like you do.

The morning of said exam dawns and i do the walk of shame to my home (luckily further down my street) change, and wend my way merrily to school, feeling a little the worse for wear.

The cold hard reality of the situation dawns on me when outside the exam hall everyone is running around bleating quotes at eachother and intently studying their copious notes. And here am I having done precisely Fuck All.

I scrawled 5 pages of bullshit, inserting my own quotes (definitely nothing jane austen ever dreamt up) and left.

So... results day dawns and I'm feeling a bit fucked off with myself as I was predicted a pretty good grade for English and this might seriously interfere with my university plans.

I open the envelope with some trepidation and scanned down the page. It was one of those moments you can only dream about. Manna dropped by the gods into my lap. The examiner (who must have seen through my bluster about 2 seconds in and sussed the cause) had obviously been impressed by my brass neck to turn in a paper so shite and given me full marks. FULL MARKS! Proof that every now and then miracles do happen. I got a B overall.
(Ambernj1, Thu 11 Jan 2007, 15:52, Reply)

Fishing
Don't know why, just totally shit at it.
Even worse, I seem to curse seasoned fishermen, so that even those prone to exageration after a day's catch have to restrict their hand movements to that indicating somthing the size of a shrivelled amphetamine cock.
I went out mackerel fishing as a kid, on a cheaty shooting-fish-in-a-barrel type boat (i.e knew where the shoals were via sonar etc), everyone else pulling in enough fish stocks to cause a rethink of quotas, me? zilch.
Went to a fish farm in France - mais rien. Merde.
Was taken fishing by the sort of chap that stands posing for pics in fishing magazines, grinning over a large pike/bream (oh how I wished I could have caught a bream) - at then end of the day, he caught two gudgeon, I caught nothing.

To cut a fisherman's tale short..I have never ever caught a fish. Sigh. I've given up trying now.
(Countryslicker, Thu 11 Jan 2007, 15:33, Reply)

Worst Exam Ever
When I was at uni, I'm sorry to say I didn't really study much. I went to (some) of my lectures and took notes, then relied on my encyclopedic memory (may not be 100% accurate) to get me through the exams. My papers were a combination of scraps, bluffs and irrelevant comparisons to things I did actually know about (famously in one paper, Monty Python).

Until my European Law exam.

I knew it wasn't open book, coz no-one else had books with them outside the exam hall. Everyone was chatting about the subject, and a few as usual were frantically reading through bits of paper.

When the time came, we all piled in to the hall and took our seats. I put my pens, bottle of water and sweeties on the desk, and looked to see what I'd be bluffing my way through this time.

All that was on the desk was the blank answer book we had to write in. No question paper.

"Ok", thinks I, "they haven't handed it out yet." Then the examiner looks at his watch and tells us all to start.

And the whole exam hall starts feverishly writing.

Except me.

I looked through that answer book from start to finish - blank.
I looked under the desk in case my answer paper had fallen onto the floor - nothing.
I glanced at my classmates to see if they had any extra bits of paper - nada.

I spent an hour in total bemusement before being the first one to go, leaving a pristine blank answer book behind me. (3-hour exam, you couldn't leave in the first hour or the last 30 mins)

It turns out the exam was to prepare an essay on a set topic previously issued in the course handbook at the start of the year then regurgitate it under exam conditions.

*sigh*

F x
(Flurble - The Innocent One, Thu 11 Jan 2007, 13:17, Reply)