This one is dedicated to Hanke

(Amanda Votchkiss Bipedal and PROUD!, Tue 8 Apr 2008, 11:48, archived)

Is there any other kind?
*opens can of worms*
( The Hedgehog From Hell is fluff personified, Tue 8 Apr 2008, 11:49, archived)

*helps self to worms*
*frees in garden*
*glees*
( Mockingbird is an actual practitioner of SCIENCE (TM), Tue 8 Apr 2008, 11:57, archived)

said the actress to the archbishop.

( Mockingbird is an actual practitioner of SCIENCE (TM), Tue 8 Apr 2008, 11:49, archived)

I think I've completely missed the point of this week's compo

( Peter Davison - I was once in Jonathan Creek, you know, Tue 8 Apr 2008, 11:49, archived)

I detect... Irony...

( Mockingbird is an actual practitioner of SCIENCE (TM), Tue 8 Apr 2008, 11:51, archived)

Me too
Somehow I read "predict the effects of global recession on the lovely US of A" as meaning "predict the effects of global recession on the USA", rather than "Oh, whatever, just make something that vaguely relates to the USA in some way or other".
(boris the spider, Tue 8 Apr 2008, 11:51, archived)

You mean the compo isn't 50ft woman?

( my other username is a porsche , posting shit pictures so you don't have to, Tue 8 Apr 2008, 11:52, archived)

It isn't???
Shit.
(boris the spider, Tue 8 Apr 2008, 11:53, archived)

I bought this rhyming dictionary for nothing.

( my other username is a porsche , posting shit pictures so you don't have to, Tue 8 Apr 2008, 11:54, archived)

I don't know why
but that's funny as hell to me right now.

Is it a reference to something or is it all your own funny?
( Mockingbird is an actual practitioner of SCIENCE (TM), Tue 8 Apr 2008, 11:55, archived)

It's just a joke about the endless rhyming versions of 'attack of the 50ft woman',
which have plagued the board for the last couple of nights.
( my other username is a porsche , posting shit pictures so you don't have to, Tue 8 Apr 2008, 11:58, archived)

Has anyone done
"The Colonisation of, Revolution in, and Recent History of Iraq and the 50ft Woman" yet? If not then I'm very surprised.
(boris the spider, Tue 8 Apr 2008, 12:00, archived)

There's definitely been the less long winded 'Iraq of the 50ft woman'

( my other username is a porsche , posting shit pictures so you don't have to, Tue 8 Apr 2008, 12:01, archived)

Balls, I thought I was onto a winner there
"The Sack of the 50ft Woman" showing her getting fired from her job as a toymaker because she keeps trampling on all the toy cars and breaking the plastic bridges?
(boris the spider, Tue 8 Apr 2008, 12:02, archived)

sac of the 50 ft woman
eww.
( Mockingbird is an actual practitioner of SCIENCE (TM), Tue 8 Apr 2008, 12:04, archived)

With regulation three pubes

(boris the spider, Tue 8 Apr 2008, 12:05, archived)

Almost certainly.

( my other username is a porsche , posting shit pictures so you don't have to, Tue 8 Apr 2008, 12:04, archived)

Good thing
I didn't bother shopping them then, really...
(boris the spider, Tue 8 Apr 2008, 12:05, archived)

ah, I hadn't seen them
and therefore didn't know they rhymed.
( Mockingbird is an actual practitioner of SCIENCE (TM), Tue 8 Apr 2008, 12:00, archived)

The compo brief has gone out of the window.

( Aenesis, Tue 8 Apr 2008, 11:55, archived)

so have my briefs
/underwear defenestration blog
( Mockingbird is an actual practitioner of SCIENCE (TM), Tue 8 Apr 2008, 11:56, archived)

Defenestration

(pikey hardly, Tue 8 Apr 2008, 11:57, archived)

yes what of it?
*hides ninja gear*
( Mockingbird is an actual practitioner of SCIENCE (TM), Tue 8 Apr 2008, 11:58, archived)

If you throw it back in the window
Is that 'Refenestration'?
(pikey hardly, Tue 8 Apr 2008, 11:59, archived)

dunno
if not it should be.
( Mockingbird is an actual practitioner of SCIENCE (TM), Tue 8 Apr 2008, 12:01, archived)

*catches*
*clones*
( Joliet will cunt you in the fuck on, Tue 8 Apr 2008, 11:57, archived)

*meets clone*
*sexes*
*crosses off item from list*
( Mockingbird is an actual practitioner of SCIENCE (TM), Tue 8 Apr 2008, 11:58, archived)

That'd be a good compo
"Defenestration"

I'd do an animation of a window chucking a window out of a window
(boris the spider, Tue 8 Apr 2008, 11:58, archived)

recursive defenstration.
two windows chucking each other out of themselves, forever.

It'd descend into microsoft puns though.
( Mockingbird is an actual practitioner of SCIENCE (TM), Tue 8 Apr 2008, 11:59, archived)

Damn it
You're right. But it's such a lovely word, defenestration.
(boris the spider, Tue 8 Apr 2008, 12:01, archived)

A Limerick about a monkey orchestra:
Attempts at monkey orchestration
are destined to lead to frustration
as they howl and they spit
in the orchestra pit
and attempt acts of defenestration.
.
(pikey hardly, Tue 8 Apr 2008, 12:01, archived)

Nice
I like how you used "defenestration" instead of "defecation". I'm afraid I'd have just gone for the latter :(



/Not a very subtle mind blog
(boris the spider, Tue 8 Apr 2008, 12:04, archived)

scansion
(sp?)
( Mockingbird is an actual practitioner of SCIENCE (TM), Tue 8 Apr 2008, 12:06, archived)

I'd have used
"practice defecation" which scans fine
(boris the spider, Tue 8 Apr 2008, 12:08, archived)

in that case
bally good show.

I'd have used some variant of "penetration"
( Mockingbird is an actual practitioner of SCIENCE (TM), Tue 8 Apr 2008, 12:13, archived)

oh
'and attempt ape-on-ape penetration'
(pikey hardly, Tue 8 Apr 2008, 12:18, archived)

Not enough syllables
also monkey in the first line should be pronounced monk-key
(pikey hardly, Tue 8 Apr 2008, 12:12, archived)

actually you're right
and "practice defecation" doesn't scan in the least. i blame the music i've got playing for throwing me off.
(boris the spider, Tue 8 Apr 2008, 12:14, archived)

if you must,
at least stop entering them in the third world america challenge
( HappyToast Free XMas cards! www.lulu.com/content/4865723, Tue 8 Apr 2008, 11:55, archived)

Or, and this is a better suggestion,
let's everybody enter everything into that challenge.
( wheelybird http://www.creativecraving.co.uk/shops/the-aviary, Tue 8 Apr 2008, 11:59, archived)

Quick!
Compo this post!
( Halibut needs you to understand the importance of cake, Tue 8 Apr 2008, 12:00, archived)

www.b3ta.com/board/8264590
( Mockingbird is an actual practitioner of SCIENCE (TM), Tue 8 Apr 2008, 12:01, archived)

Ok.

( my other username is a porsche , posting shit pictures so you don't have to, Tue 8 Apr 2008, 12:00, archived)

hahahaha
a very genuine office lol occurred just then
(boris the spider, Tue 8 Apr 2008, 12:01, archived)

What a howl
Thats a mongrel - very third world.....
oww oww oww
(Amanda Votchkiss Bipedal and PROUD!, Tue 8 Apr 2008, 12:11, archived)

I love you sir

( hanke ass poop, Tue 8 Apr 2008, 12:15, archived)

Thank you.
However, just try explaining that image to your girlfriend when she stumbles across it on your computer.
I sure couldn't.
( my other username is a porsche , posting shit pictures so you don't have to, Tue 8 Apr 2008, 12:16, archived)

My word!
Imagine. She'd probably start crying and pulling her hair out, when she found you had a bearded dogsecks fetish.
(sludgebucket, Tue 8 Apr 2008, 12:22, archived)

You win the entire internet.
If there is a link to the competition that I'm missing here, I'd like it to remain a mystery. This is perfect as it is.
(HenDeadly, Wed 9 Apr 2008, 0:14, archived)

TJ!
Proclaim your alliegance now!
Choose coffee over tea!


( Evilscary New webcomic @ www.infovore.co.uk/comic, Tue 8 Apr 2008, 11:59, archived)

www.b3ta.com/board/8264555
( Mockingbird is an actual practitioner of SCIENCE (TM), Tue 8 Apr 2008, 12:00, archived)

Coffee is the wrong choice for the following reasons:

* It tastes bad;
* It smells bad;
* It makes people's breath smell quite, quite terrible;
* It encourages people to say stupid things when ordering it, such as a "capp-wappo-loco-roco skinny ragamuffin half tall spluffuccino. With nuts."
* It isn't nice, like what tea is.
( wheelybird http://www.creativecraving.co.uk/shops/the-aviary, Tue 8 Apr 2008, 12:03, archived)

^
preach the good word!
( Joliet will cunt you in the fuck on, Tue 8 Apr 2008, 12:04, archived)

I shall set up a church.
The latter-day church of Tea.

Services will feature a talk on the merits of tea, the damning of coffee and the consumption of lots of nice tea. And biscuits.
( wheelybird http://www.creativecraving.co.uk/shops/the-aviary, Tue 8 Apr 2008, 12:08, archived)

All this may be true, but you can make all the same points about tea
Except the stupid names given to coffee in coffee shops, which is why I ask for "white coffee, please" and see what weird concoction they give me today.

I drink coffee. Then I eat mint. Then I drink tea. Then I eat mint. Then I stay awake most of the night twitching, but that's just my way.
(boris the spider, Tue 8 Apr 2008, 12:07, archived)

You can't make those points about tea.
* Tea tastes nice;
* Tea smells nice;
* Tea has no effect on the breath of people, unless it's to make it smell nice;
* Tea has nice, sensible names, but is mostly just called "Tea";
* Tea is nice, like what tea is.
( wheelybird http://www.creativecraving.co.uk/shops/the-aviary, Tue 8 Apr 2008, 12:10, archived)

a quick edit
* Tea tastes nice;
* Tea smells a bit rank;
* Tea makes people's breath reek though tea drinkers don't seem to notice this;
* Tea has nice, sensible names, but is mostly just called "Tea", unless it's some poncey shite like Darjeeling or Earl Grey or English Breakfast and so forth;
* Tea is nice, like what tea is.

* Coffee tastes nice;
* Coffee smels a bit rank
* Coffee makes people's breath reek though coffee drinkers often don't notice this
* Coffee shops give coffee stupid ridiculous names picked up from the Americans that make no sense to me. I just want a coffee. Not a "skinny latte". What the fuck is that meant to mean? Just give me a coffee, for Christ's sake.
* Coffee is nice, like what coffee is.


Tea not making you piss as often as coffee does might stand in tea's favour but I drink more coffee anyway.
(boris the spider, Tue 8 Apr 2008, 12:16, archived)

ashaully
i find that after a few pints of tea my breath smells very milky.
not a smell i enjoy
(cs192 is gonna to get caught at, Tue 8 Apr 2008, 12:28, archived)

I got in trouble in New York for ordering white coffee.
Apparently it's racist.
(yes really)
( Mockingbird is an actual practitioner of SCIENCE (TM), Tue 8 Apr 2008, 12:15, archived)

What?
That's ridiculous! Can you still ask for a black coffee?
(boris the spider, Tue 8 Apr 2008, 12:17, archived)

i think so
when i flew over in september i got a coffee on the plane from a 50ish black guy, he asked if i wanted sugar (no) or milk (no) then just looked at me and said "So you want it black?" in a mock offended way.
(cs192 is gonna to get caught at, Tue 8 Apr 2008, 12:19, archived)

nope.
Maybe it's the way I said
"Ho there, charlie nig-nog. Get me a clean, white coffee, then go pick my goddamned cotton, nigger."


I didn't really. I just wanted to be needlessly offensive and now I feel bad.
( Mockingbird is an actual practitioner of SCIENCE (TM), Tue 8 Apr 2008, 12:21, archived)

How about
"Yo, homeboy, I don't want no nigger coffee, I want honky coffee and I want it fast, nigger, so get to it!"

I can see how that might be construed as a tad racist.
(boris the spider, Tue 8 Apr 2008, 12:23, archived)

these reactionary fools are ruining language for decent folks.
In real life I just said "White coffee please" and the guy serving me (who was in fact black) asked me to repeat myself several times, getting angrier each time, until my sister came over and said "sorry, he's not from here. He means coffee with milk."

I was angry most of the day after that.

They also didn't understand "blueberry muffin" unless I said it as blueBERRY.
( Mockingbird is an actual practitioner of SCIENCE (TM), Tue 8 Apr 2008, 12:26, archived)

Wankers.
Send them all to Mars, I say. Then we can use north America to grow loads and loads of tea.
( wheelybird http://www.creativecraving.co.uk/shops/the-aviary, Tue 8 Apr 2008, 12:33, archived)

was the guy white or black?
or hispanic? because the literal translation of spanish white coffee is coffee with milk,

but under no other situation is that acceptable
(cs192 is gonna to get caught at, Tue 8 Apr 2008, 12:33, archived)

eugh
white coffee, :S
(cs192 is gonna to get caught at, Tue 8 Apr 2008, 12:18, archived)

instant coffee without milk tastes of vomit
i don't often put milk in proper coffee
(boris the spider, Tue 8 Apr 2008, 12:19, archived)

doesn't taste any better with milk
and there are a couple of decent instant coffees, they just cost a fortune.
(cs192 is gonna to get caught at, Tue 8 Apr 2008, 12:23, archived)

Ah, Sainsbury Fair Trade Coffee,
It's made by Kenco and uses the same beans as the more expensive coffeess, but its only 70p for a jar.
( Aenesis, Tue 8 Apr 2008, 12:25, archived)

cafe noire coffee
is also good
(cs192 is gonna to get caught at, Tue 8 Apr 2008, 12:30, archived)

(Insane Maniac hates eggs, Tue 8 Apr 2008, 12:07, archived)

no, but I'd like a cup of tea, please

( Discomeats STICK A BENA IN IT. (cement), Tue 8 Apr 2008, 12:07, archived)

we're out of tea
but i've got a fresh batch of shut the fuck up brewing
_{woo! COFFEE!!}
(Insane Maniac hates eggs, Tue 8 Apr 2008, 12:09, archived)

I'll throw your shut the fuck coffee at the fucking wall
and I'll smear my shit on all the work surfaces

then I'll fucking BURN EVERYTHING

NO TEA! I'll show you HIPPIES!!

:D
( Discomeats STICK A BENA IN IT. (cement), Tue 8 Apr 2008, 12:53, archived)

Yes, 2 sugars and a splash of milk please

( Aenesis, Tue 8 Apr 2008, 12:08, archived)

I'll email it to you
you have a 5" drive to recieve it yeh?
(Insane Maniac hates eggs, Tue 8 Apr 2008, 12:10, archived)

k

( Aenesis, Tue 8 Apr 2008, 12:12, archived)

RE: Coffee
FOA: Bunty Collocks
Send to K://coffee_extractor.std
...
...
_{RETURN TO SENDER}

AW, you lied! It's coming back now! Now it's all over my keyboard!
(Insane Maniac hates eggs, Tue 8 Apr 2008, 12:17, archived)

Oooh yes please
Strong, drop of milk, one sugar please.

However not if it's Colombian. If it's Colombian I'll have tea please. However if it's Brazillian or Peruvian I'll have two cups.
( Captain Wow Chairwoman of the Broads, Tue 8 Apr 2008, 12:09, archived)

Racist.

( my other username is a porsche , posting shit pictures so you don't have to, Tue 8 Apr 2008, 12:11, archived)

Traitor!

*cries*
( wheelybird http://www.creativecraving.co.uk/shops/the-aviary, Tue 8 Apr 2008, 12:11, archived)

I'm tiiiired!

( Captain Wow Chairwoman of the Broads, Tue 8 Apr 2008, 12:18, archived)

Afraid we have:
- Perzillian
- Breruvian
- Colombine
and sugar comes by the ladel
(Insane Maniac hates eggs, Tue 8 Apr 2008, 12:11, archived)

'noongles cap'n
how's you?
( Mockingbird is an actual practitioner of SCIENCE (TM), Tue 8 Apr 2008, 12:15, archived)

Coffee Filth, Tea all the way!

( Wildyles is back to rimming chimps, Tue 8 Apr 2008, 12:13, archived)

Ooh, I would like some hippy tea please.

( Aenesis, Tue 8 Apr 2008, 12:15, archived)

I hope I've not started a global war
of tea against coffee. Naturally tea would win and vanquish the evil coffee, and then stride the globe the triumphant victor.
( wheelybird http://www.creativecraving.co.uk/shops/the-aviary, Tue 8 Apr 2008, 12:15, archived)

*sign up to the tea army*

( Wildyles is back to rimming chimps, Tue 8 Apr 2008, 12:21, archived)

I'd make a tea badge for the faithful
but gimp is being a gimp
( Joliet will cunt you in the fuck on, Tue 8 Apr 2008, 12:25, archived)

quick
suggest it as an image challenge
(cs192 is gonna to get caught at, Tue 8 Apr 2008, 12:39, archived)

Teatime...
Oh I wish that was a real site....

=)
(YayLady is cold, Tue 8 Apr 2008, 12:45, archived)

Tea - best drink of the day
except for wine, or beer. or nice iced voddy. maybe some jack daniels. or even some fancy cocktails like long island iced tea. back to tea again.
( The Tig and me, Tue 8 Apr 2008, 12:18, archived)

I can't remember what I said
but it's nice to have things dedicated to one's self
( hanke ass poop, Tue 8 Apr 2008, 12:14, archived)

your welcome
...
(Amanda Votchkiss Bipedal and PROUD!, Tue 8 Apr 2008, 12:16, archived)

Unfunny Woody Allen

( mofaha, Tue 8 Apr 2008, 12:22, archived)

He is looking at me and I feel that any reaction will displease him.

( gronkpan MUSICIANS! www.zombiemoonrobots.com, Tue 8 Apr 2008, 12:36, archived)